• author
    • Donald Sanders

      Columnist
    • November 13, 2017 in Columnists

    If I fall asleep, it’s not you, it’s me

    There are a great many things that contribute to aging other than the passage of years, many of which I do not want to confer upon you. For instance, it’s a good practice to start a column with the subject so that you can always refer back if you forget what you’re writing about. There is something new that I have to contend with and I’d like to tell you about it before it happens, should I be talking with you face to face.

    I find myself falling asleep at odd times during the day. It is neither out of boredom nor from exhaustion. In just a split second, BAM, I’m asleep! It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing, when it happens, it happens, so don’t take offense; it’s not you it’s me.

    I’ll tell it in the form of a story to make it a little more entertaining for you to read.

    My falling asleep problem has been going on for some time now, and with the assistance of my dear wife Therese, I have seemingly been able to keep it under control. Therese uses her elbow to combat my problem whenever it raises its ugly head. Should I feel a sharp sudden pain in my ribs, I know I’ve fallen asleep.

    When Therese is not with me, things become a bit more complicated. At this point, it becomes an embarrassment for me, one that I try to take with a bit of humor. That’s all I can do, so I’ll explain.

    Take the Putah Creek Council’s last CreekSpeak presentation of this year entitled, “Ecology, Evolution and Conservation on Serpentine Soils.” The speaker was UC Davis Professor Susan Harrison; a lovely woman, very pleasing to the eye. I didn’t even know what a Serpentine was, so naturally I had to go.

    Sooo, right off the bat, I contact my friend Karin Young of the Putah Creek Council and tell her I want to attend, so I would see her at the Davis Library on the designated evening. Okeedookee.

    The big night arises and I don’t know what I expected, but all they wanted to talk about was some kind of rock and how it affects the soil and plants where it is found. It goes to reason that if it is not found it would have no effect on anything, so if it is bad, all we have to do is not to find it, right?

    Well I’ll tell you right now I could not stay awake! I nodded off several times, the last of which was one of those head back, awaken with a loud snort type of naps. The room was very small and tight so I know everybody in the room had to hear my rude awakening. To make matters worse, I jumped and protected my ribs expecting an elbow, and then I ducked expecting Karin to slap me on the back of the head. Everybody there thought I was a total spaz!

    I escaped out of that one alive, but yesterday I had another challenge. I had a doctor’s appointment in Vallejo, some 50 minutes from where I live. I didn’t know how the hell I was going to stay awake for that boring drive but as it turned out, the traffic was terrible and the stress of it kept me awake. At the doctor’s I found a lovely young woman that was going to rub my neck while performing an ultrasound.

    Naturally, I fell asleep and naturally, I woke myself with a loud snort! I don’t know what came out but I meant to say “Sorry.” She was gracious and said there was no need for an apology. So here I am looking up at this lovely girl and I have slobber dripping from my beard.

    Life is so unfair!

    So as I walk out of the office, I’m starting to get mad! All I could think of was why the heck my wife let me out by myself. What is wrong with her?

    Then I thought about how the heck I’m going to stay awake on the way home.

    Coffee!



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