A love for which there are no words
For years now, I have wanted to put into words how much I love my wife Therese. Over and over, time after time, I have tried to pen the words that might let her know exactly how I feel. I have found that it is not an easy task and I think maybe it is impossible.
Even with my computer, with all its speed and information within its databanks, I cannot find what I need to tell her how I feel. I wish I was a great linguist with all the skills I would need at my fingertips, but even this might not be enough.
Therese came into my life some 35 years ago. The day I first laid eyes on her, I could tell she was something special, very special. Everything I thought about her within the first few minutes we stood face to face turned out to be spot on. I thought she was pure of soul and beautiful all the way to her toes. She says what she means and means what she says. There is nothing superficial about her and the only time she has spoken something that might not be true and straightforward was to protect me.
Through the years, I have done and said many, many things that would cause a lesser person to give up on me. When I say she has gone through hell, you can believe I was the source of everything bad that she had to fight her way through. Every time I broke her heart came back on me and to this day, it is my heart that breaks every time it comes to mind. I remember everything I did. I know I cannot go back and exchange one act for another. All I can do is see it for what it is.
Sometimes I find myself wondering what in the hell was she thinking? What did she ever see in me to think that I might deserve to have her as my wife? I think she may be a little retarded, because I can think of no legitimate reason why she would not have dumped me onto the curb many years ago. By now, you’ve figured out that I’m without a clue and I’ll never be able to say exactly what I mean to say. Maybe I’m confused about life itself. That would explain some of the things I did to break her heart so many times.
When I look at her, I’m not alone and it’s not me but we. She is everything you might think. She’s my best friend, my lover, my partner, my other half, whatever, you know what I mean. When I think of what we have, I find myself looking down at everyone else because they could not possibly have as much love as I have for her. However, maybe it’s just that I fail to see your love and you cannot see mine. That could be it.
She has always made love easy for me. She doesn’t demand a lot from me and I demand everything from her, or so it seems. With her, I’m so much more of a man because I’m so eager to please her and to give her everything she wants that I’m capable of giving. I yearn to please her, and everything I do at this point in life is for her. I could write about this forever and would still be searching for another expression, another term, for these words of love are not enough.
For the moment, I’m content with the mere thought that maybe words aren’t that important when it comes to expressing love. Maybe your actions, your everyday actions, are enough. Maybe it’s enough for her to see that everything you do, you do for her.
Ooops! I could carry this on for a long, long time but I just found her to-do-list, so I’d better get busy and do some more things only for her. Truly, it is a labor of love.