You might as well vote for me
I’ve been thinking of running for Congress or maybe even the US Senate. Go ahead and laugh, I’ll wait a minute until you’re done.
OK, let’s get serious.
I’m thinking of running for political office. I think I could beat a lot of those guys that are supposed to be public servants. You know — the jerks on Capitol Hill who think they’re in office to get incredibly rich at our expense.
Ever wonder why those guys will spend millions of dollars on a campaign for jobs that pay less than half a million a year? How do you suppose that they can increase their net worth by tens of millions of dollars during a two-year term that pays a measly $200-400,000 a year? Yeah, I want to get me some!
I know I could beat that Weiner guy. Geeze, nobody will vote for that jerk. There are a lot of congressmen on the verge of going to jail, so nobody’s going to vote for them either. Charlie Rangle is a great example. In Washington, he’s known as “Tax Cheat Charley.” As chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, he writes the tax law for the little people like you and me. Well, it’s a fact that he tried to conceal about half of his income from the IRS and from congressional disclosure rules, so these laws don’t apply to him.
John Murtha, a 19-term member of the house, has been under investigation for numerous schemes involving accepting donations to his campaign and political action committees in direct exchange for earmarking federal funds for those same organizations. Oh, that’s just dirty!
Maxine Waters, the congresswoman from California, violated conflict-of-interest rules by non-disclosure of her ties to the banking industry. As it turns out, she was sweeping money right out of the banks into her purse. She smiled the whole time she was taking our money. If elected, I promise not to smile!
See what I mean? I can beat these jerks, I know I can.
How about those guys who were getting kickbacks from the banking industry in the form of low-interest loans that they never intended to pay back — I know I could take kickbacks just as well as they can. I know I could, because these guys don’t fear the law because they make the laws. What a racket! I think it’s really sad that we keep electing these jerks to office.
Congress has absolutely no morals! I’d fit right in there perfectly. All I need from you is to keep an eye out for my name on the ballot and then vote for me 30 times each. Christ, nobody cares anyway. You know this has to be true or they wouldn’t keep sending the same jerks to Congress, right? I can do the cloak room politics as well as the best of them!
Don’t feel bad about this because we are taught by history that greed and corruption has flourished in every age. We all know that the history books never depict the actual history, so we think that the lawmakers of the past were just shy of perfect in respect to public service. That’s a lot of hooey! If we are going to decline, well I can help if the price is right.
I’m thinking that maybe, just maybe, discipline will be restored through the military challenges or war. As of late, we have a lot of those under our belts. The freedom of the part varies with the security of the whole. We will see individualism diminish as our geographical protection ceases. You know as well as I do that the present system is broken and we are not capable of fixing it.
Our children may live to see order and modesty return. Much of our moral freedom is good enough to see that change is needed and it will come to us one way or another. Won’t it be nice to enjoy without qualm the pleasures that harm neither others nor ourselves and to feel the tang of the open air upon our liberated flesh?
You must understand that I am saying we can fix this, for the real power lies with the people — it always has. The next time you vote, think about it. If you’re going to elect a jerk, then you might as well vote for me.