• author
    • Terri Connett

    • August 8, 2016 in Columnists

    The ABCs of Donald Trump

    I was mildly entertained. But now I’m wildly troubled. This raging asshole could get the votes of millions of idiot citizens and become our next president. I was pushed over the edge when Trump criticized the parents of slain U.S. patriot Captain Humayun Khan and then equated his own business success to Humayun’s (and his parents’) ultimate sacrifice.

    Next, Trump suggested women who are sexually harassed in the work place should “change careers or move to another company.” And that’s just what happened last week!

    The previous week he responded to the Democratic National Convention by saying he wanted to “hit a number of those speakers so hard their heads would spin.” The stunning “Our Children Our Watching” TV commercials repeatedly remind us of Trump’s longing for “the good old days when (protesters) would be carried out on stretchers.”

    I needed a break from the violence, so I turned off MSNBC and drove to my happy place. I snagged some great deals from the TJ Maxx clearance rack and headed to the fitting room. As I was gleefully narrowing down my summer season treasures, an annoying voice from the room next door threatened to rain on my shopping parade.

    A little girl blew a gasket when her mom told her she couldn’t have the too-tight sundress and had to be satisfied with the three dresses that did fit her. The privileged little brat went from pleading to crying to throwing hangers to (apparently) hitting Mommy. The mother was amazingly restrained. She calmly told her devil spawn to sit down and take a deep breath. In the meantime, I had quickly dressed and settled on my keepers. As I tiptoed past Fight Club, I overheard the mom quietly telling her kid that when she felt angry she needed to “use her words.”

    So I’ve decided to use mine to describe the 2016 Republican presidential candidate:
    Adamant climate change denier.
    Birther-movement racist.
    Crying-baby bouncer.
    Extremely egocentric egomaniac (it’s that bad).
    Former Hillary Clinton supporter.
    Gold Star Family insulter.
    Hand model for Cartier’s line of watches for boys.
    Ivanka-lusting, incestuous perve.
    Judge Gonzalo Curiel heritage basher.
    Knows more about ISIS than the generals.
    Late-night Twitter troll.
    Making America hate again.
    Nuclear code nightmare.
    Orangey, thin skinned.
    Purple Heart coveter.
    Questionable grasp of foreign and domestic issues.
    Regret-averse, non-apologizer.
    Speaker Ryan supporter (not really).
    Trump U founder and fraud.
    Unfit for the office of president, just ask Barack.
    Vladimir Putin butt licker.
    Whiny little bitch (thanks, Bill Maher).  
    Xenophobic zealot.
    Yes, he could win.
    Zon-of-a-bitch, I already used zealot!

    • Love this! If that had been my kid throwing a tantrum, we would have walked out and she’d have gotten nothing! Sheesh – parents today are so intimidated by their own kids! Who’s the freakin’ boss??? Not Mom and Dad, obviously!
      As for the Trump alphabet, I think “U” should stand for “UGH!!!”

        • Terri Connett

        • August 8, 2016 at 4:16 pm
        • Reply

        Thanks, Debra! YES …. UGH!!!!

      • Madgew

      • August 8, 2016 at 12:39 pm
      • Reply

      I would have walked out as well. Brat and disrespect don’t play.

        • Terri Connett

        • August 8, 2016 at 4:17 pm
        • Reply


      • Maya Spier Stiles North

      • August 8, 2016 at 10:09 pm
      • Reply

      Sounds like the mom did her job — blithe indifference but telling the kid to express herself civilly. Mind you, had my little spawn dared hit me, I would by then have learned not to be violent back but I *had* learned to be divinely creative about discipline. I suspect my mini-mes would have preferred to be spanked. Unfortunately, the vile Trumpelthinskin can barely string together a coherent sentence, so that wouldn’t help. He’s a carbunkle and a buffoon, but people too decorticate together would hand him the button and codes if we aren’t careful. And he probably actually *likes* to be spanked. Dear. Fecking. Mercy.

        • Terri Connett

        • August 9, 2016 at 11:18 am
        • Reply

        OMG, Maya you are hilarious! LOVE Trumpelthinskin! That should have been my T!! 🙂

          • Maya Spier Stiles North

          • August 9, 2016 at 9:21 pm

          I only wish I could take credit for Trumpelthinskin but I DID have the wit to adopt it with full enthusiasm. It’s utterly perfect! <3

      • Colette

      • August 10, 2016 at 7:41 pm
      • Reply

      Dear Teri, I think the Trump alphabet was great…I think it would be fun to throw down a challenge to others to come up with their own alphabet! Love it!

        • Terri Connett

        • August 11, 2016 at 5:49 am
        • Reply

        Thanks, Colette. And that’s a GREAT idea! The ABC Trump challenge. Let’s go!!

      • Arliss Jenks

      • August 11, 2016 at 6:47 am
      • Reply

      Wow.you got it right !

        • Terri Connett

        • August 12, 2016 at 1:54 pm
        • Reply

        Thank you, Arliss! 🙂

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