• author
    • Donald Sanders

    • December 9, 2016 in Columnists

    Abusers are not leaders

    I always wanted to be special. I wanted to stand out, above and beyond the rest of my peers. I wanted to be the cool guy that everyone looked up to, like the go-to guy who fixes everything and makes everything right. My ideal vision of myself would be Superman without the Clark Kent crap. Think of how special a person like that would be.

    Well, I’ve come to the realization that, at this late date, it’s just not gonna happen. I can see now that I don’t have what it takes to be someone special. Hell, I don’t even think I’m average. When I think back, if I’m honest, I’ve never been the leader of the pack. Sure, others have followed me but at the same time, I was following someone else.

    In a line of leaders, I’m so far back that I can’t even see who the leader really is. I don’t think I’ve even seen a real leader? I have to ask myself if I would even recognize a real leader. What is a leader? What makes a leader a leader? I’m going to have to think about that and get back to you later.

    I think there might be a reason for this too. Like I said, “I always wanted to be special” but for some reason, I always went out of my way to blend in. It is just easier to blend in. If you aren’t noticed, nobody know you’re there, right? When the crap flies, it’ll hit the guys in the front and the guys in the back, but the front guys and the back guys block the crap from hitting the guy in the middle.

    I started thinking like this when I was very young. This philosophy came to me kinda sudden — like when my mother dropped me off at a Catholic orphanage. It was an abusive situation to which I was quick to adapt for self-preservation, which is something that comes natural to all of God’s creatures. I found that there are people who do the abusing, people who are abused and finally, there are people who are skipped over because no one knows which group they belong to.

    Think about it. People who abuse others only abuse those they consider to be weaker or helpless. Common sense tells you it has always been like that. The same train of thought tells you that those who are abused consider their abusers to be more dominant in nature. That’s what I have observed anyway.

    Abusers will abuse the same people over and over because they’re afraid. They’re afraid that if they attempt to abuse someone new, there’s always the outside chance that this new person might be tougher than they thought and they just might get abused themselves. That tells us… what?

    Abusers are not leaders. As a matter of fact, they are the farthest thing from it. They’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of being broken themselves and trying to fix themselves by breaking others. It just can’t be done that way. Like the old adage says, “We rise by lifting up others.” You cannot lift yourself up.

    True leaders know no group and they don’t seek to stand out, but they stand out just the same. When I think about, it I realize I have seen and in fact know people I consider to be leaders. There are many such people in my little town of Winters, California. We all know who they are, and if we get the opportunity I think we should let them know they are appreciated. People like John Pickerel, John W. Donlevy, Jr., Craig McNamara, Woody Fridae, Rich Marovich, Carol Scianna, Jesse Loren, and many, many others.

    It’s people like this who make life a little easier for us all and we should celebrate them being among us.

    So, in the end, I guess the way I have lived my life isn’t so bad after all. I’m in a pretty good spot because it’s easier for me to support a leader than to be a leader myself. I am among the many, many unseen people that our leaders can go to for assistance. The leaders know who we are just as we know who the leaders are. To those who love me, I am someone special. That’s about as special as I want to be.

    Our society takes all kinds of people doing all kinds of things in all kinds of ways. That’s what makes the world go around. That in itself is special.

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