• author
    • Gary Huerta

    • October 16, 2013 in Columnists

    An open letter to Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin

    Dear Ted and Sarah,

    I want to let you know how grateful I am to you, Ted, and you, Sarah, for attending the recent “Million Vet March on the Memorials” protest, which was organized by Larry Klayman, founder of the Tea Party group Freedom Watch.

    I’ll bet you thought being there would provide fertile ground for the Tea Party movement, much like nutrient rich fertilizer assists in the growing of amber waves of grain. Well, let me tell you how right you were. Both of you were indeed the crap that other crap grows in.

    How proud you both must have been when Klayman claimed the United States is “ruled by a president who bows down to Allah.”

    Finally, an American you two can be proud of, eh?

    Oh, Ted, I can only imagine the throbbing red, white and blue boner you must have popped when Klayman used his God-given, First Amendment rights to say, “I call upon all of you to wage a second American nonviolent revolution, to use civil disobedience, and to demand that this president leave town, to get up, to put the Quran down, to get up off his knees, and to figuratively come out with his hands up.”

    I’m only sorry the cameras weren’t focused on you, Sarah, while you were doing your best impression of Meg Ryan’s famous orgasm scene in the movie “When Sally met Harry.”

    “Yes! Yes! YES! Show me your birth certificate!”

    But enough about what goes on in the dark recesses of your conservative mind. Here’s the bottom line:

    For all of Klayman’s rhetoric, I didn’t see any of your spin doctors trying to distance either of you from him or his incredibly mean-spirited, racist comments. Hell, even former Chairman of the Republican National Committee Michael Steele went on MSNBC to express shock that any member of the GOP would want to be associated with Klayman and his Freedom Watch.

    But there you were. Two misguided political misanthropes whose true colors are on display by virtue of the company they keep.

    That said, what is most incredible to me is that not too long ago, Sarah was actually on the ballot to be vice-president of this country, while Ted still has aspirations of running for an office higher than his current station.

    Holy shit.

    I’m reminded of the old nugget, “If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.”

    As far as you two are concerned, one need only modify the statement slightly:

    If it stands by an asshole, listens to the asshole, and doesn’t disagree with the asshole – it’s probably an asshole.

    Thanks for letting us see the real you.

    Very truly yours,

    Gary Huerta

    • Oh, I just LOVE LOVE LOVE this column! 😀

      • Terri Connett

      • October 16, 2013 at 10:45 am
      • Reply

      GREAT column!!

      • Chris

      • October 16, 2013 at 12:38 pm
      • Reply

      Very fertile indeed!

    • Fucked up ass wipes. Ted was not there when he made that statement but other than that no words denying he felt the same.

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