• author
    • Terri Connett

    • October 15, 2013 in Columnists

    At home with the Cruzes

    Ted Cruz:  “Daddy’s home, girls!  Let’s wash our hands for dinner.”

    Daughter #1:  “I’m not eating.”

    Ted:  “Why not, Princess?”

    Daughter #1:  “Because the kids at school said you’ve taken food out of the mouths of babies.”

    Ted:  “Come on, Kitten, that’s nonsense.  You’re too young to worry about such things.”

    Daughter #2:  “Daddy, my friend, Keisha, said you closed her little brother’s Head Start program and all the kids booed me.”

    Ted:  “Keisha’s your little black friend, right?”

    Daughter #2:  “Huh?”

    Ted:  “Never mind, honey, that doesn’t really matter at all, does it.  It just got me thinking about Obamacare and how he… er… I mean it, is ruining this great country of ours.”

    Daughter #2  “Can we be home schooled?”

    Ted:  “Let’s talk about that over the nice dinner Mommy has prepared for us.”

    Mrs. Cruz:  “I had a long day Ted.  You’re not the only person who works in this family. And don’t think I’m going to cook every time you waltz in from Washington. I ordered pizza.”

    Ted:  “Great idea, Heidi. If only the Democrats and those tea-light Republicans could solve problems as handily as you.”

    Daughter #1:  “But Daddy, how can we eat knowing those hungry babies won’t get their WIC funding?”

    Ted:  “How old ARE you?”

    Mrs. Cruz:  “You might know if you didn’t miss her birthday party last Sunday.”

    Ted:  “Don’t start, Heidi.  We got some great footage of me in my barn jacket,  surrounded by veterans at the World War II Memorial. I stood far enough away from Sarah so we can edit her out. I can just see the TV spots for 2016. Good stuff!”

    Mrs. Cruz:  “And what exactly was your point, Ted? You were protesting the government shutdown you started. It’s like you complaining you’re getting fat after all those late-night White Castle runs.”

    Ted:  “Ouch, sounds like mama misses her teddy bear. But seriously, Heidi, do you really think voters will remember the details of this in two years?”

    Mrs. Cruz:  “Well if they don’t, I’m sure Hillary will remind them.”

    Ted:  “Come on girls; let’s sit down to our favourite pizza, eh?”

    Daughter #1:  “That’s 25 cents in the Canada jar, Daddy!”

    Ted:  “Dang it! Thanks, honey, for keeping Daddy on the American track. Now let’s all hold hands and thank God for Papa John’s. We’ll forget about this nonsense and tonight I’ll tuck you in with the rest of your new bedtime story about the Cruz White House.”

    Daughter #2:  “That’s okay, Daddy. We DVR’d ‘Green Eggs and Ham.’ That was such a nice version of the story. You spoke so softly and stuck to the story that time. No mention of how Barack Obama ruined breakfast for everybody.”


    • Loved this. But one thing doesn’t ring true. His daughter would not know someone black and at head start.

      • Terri Connett

      • October 15, 2013 at 8:20 am
      • Reply

      I do see your point Madge. I should have said it was Keisha’s cousin! Either way it’s a stretch. Maybe she ran into poor little black girl in Texas at a soccer game and they became friends?? 🙂

    • Ted Cruz is so creepy sounding and looking. I must state again how much I LOVED this column! <3

      • Terri Connett

      • October 15, 2013 at 12:06 pm
      • Reply

      Aw thanks, Matt! And you’re right, he is extremely creepy. So nasally!

    • Loved the column.

    • Hey, some of my best friends are creepy and nasty! Oh well but this column was quite nice.

      • Darren

      • October 15, 2013 at 4:20 pm
      • Reply

      Nicely done! But Ted touched on something I fear is a real possibility… with our collective attention span barely exceeding the duration of a Vine clip, we’ll likely forget most of the nonsense that’s been going on. There *might* be a statement made in 2014, but come 2016 I see a lot of Americans scratching their heads and saying, “Shutdown… yeah, that rings a bell but I don’t really remember the details.” 🙁

      • Terri Connett

      • October 16, 2013 at 10:42 am
      • Reply

      Thanks so much!

      • Terri Connett

      • October 16, 2013 at 10:43 am
      • Reply

      Thanks, Donald. And sorry to hear about your friends. 🙁

      • Quinton Santini

      • October 16, 2013 at 1:01 pm
      • Reply

      I dated a girl named Keisha once who was white!

    • Yes but she spells it Kiesha! 😉

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