Be a man, date a woman
First off I want to say I really enjoyed Kaila Charice’s column, “Not Dating, Just Fucking.” Kaila’s thesis, simply stated, is that perhaps sex is a bit too casual in society. To further expand on that notion, it seems that a lot of relationships are just based on repetitive and joyless sex that lacks deep feeling and connection.
I basically agree with her. Every woman is not the sexual equivalent of a meal — just something to be consumed. Maybe too many relationships are just a self-absorbed sexual escapade. Here comes the “but.”
Could we concede it’s hard enough to get your foot in the door of a relationship?
Ever since I had the urge to sow my wild oats, dating has been always a challenge comparable to a movie scene in which someone is trying to diffuse a bomb with four seconds left. Women come with too many wires to try to clip in order to finally land a date. Forget a sexual encounter unless that girl gives us mercy and lets us give her our best five-minute effort.
I give a tremendous five-minute effort.
It’s not to say I don’t desire love and connection. I think romance, dating, courtship and the like are critical to my personal growth as a human being and enhances my humanity. But sometimes I just wanna bang someone and use her like an exercise bike. I like to get my reps. Then I wipe my seat off, get a massage, and hit the showers.
I know! How vile!
But guess what — women want to just get laid too. However, women have the opposite problem, like Kaila — as soon as she raises her hand, a line of guys form and they all have their pants off.
It’s absolutely unfair and uneven. If a lady wishes to have casual sex, they can have it instantly. If men want to get laid quickly, they better pray to look like Channing Tatum. Thank God I am way better looking and have more nerd-charm than Channing Fuckface (I kid, Channing).
What can a guy do to make Kaila and other ladies’ lives a little easier that doesn’t involve being as cool as me? I would tell any guy who wants to date a lady that there are a few things to consider:
1. If you like that girl, YOU MUST TALK TO HER. Don’t just stand there and drool. Wanna know how assholes always get the girl? THEY TALK TO HER. It’s always a guy who goes “Hey hun, nice tits. Oh, don’t get upset. Here, let me buy you a drink.” That guy has his “in” and will end up banging her by the end of the night simply by a bad pickup line followed by constant chatting her up.
2. When you talk to a woman do not come off as threatening. In other words don’t be too energetic and eager.
3. Again, don’t stare. She isn’t a steak and you aren’t really that hungry. Catch my drift?
4. Work on your smile. Seriously, don’t have a creepy anti-depression medication smile. Try to have a nice, simple, gentle, and warm smile. Your smile should feel like a warm blanket on a cold autumn evening.
5. A lady’s beauty can be intimidating. Again, try to have your body and shoulders squared off with her shoulders and realize she is probably as nervous as you are.
6. Try to be funny. However, do not use any of my dick jokes or potty humor that you see in my columns. You need to be funny and clever at the same time. It’s a lot of work but trust me that she will love your effort.
7. Sometimes just showing effort will be enough. You will probably never be able to please her all the time but sometimes some simple and honest effort will go a long way. A simple gift, an interesting story, or just give her a reason to ease her worried mind.
8. Be a gentleman. Be chivalrous. However, don’t be a pushover. If you only knew how many women complain that a man isn’t being “manly enough.” It doesn’t mean you have to be a total knuckle-dragger in a relationship or a date, but men need to have the wisdom to pick their spots and put their foot down.
9. Most importantly, try establishing good friendships around you. If you have good friends that you treat well, chances are you can treat a lady well. Honest and true friends will always have your back when the going gets a little tough. More importantly, you will have friends that tell you when you might be doing something wrong. Sometimes it’s a good friend that can help you with a personal flaw.
Chivalry isn’t dead. Good guys are a minority and are in low demand.