Bracing for Opposite World
I’m not any closer to accepting that Donald Jagoff Trump will become this country’s president. In fact, his dangerous tweets and reckless picks for advisors and cabinet nominees have moved me from fear to panic.
Folks call me a sore loser. Some say it’s sour grapes. A Facebook friend told me to just “let it go.” But this isn’t anything like George W. Bush winning his second term while we were knee-deep in an unjustifiable war in Iraq. That seriously blew my mind. But this annihilates my whole world of reason.
I believe for the next four years, up will be down and black will be white. Calm down, Steve Bannon followers. I don’t mean it THAT way. Meanness and cruelty will be accepted as an antidote for political correctness. The Golden Rule will trickle down the drain like a golden shower. Mother Nature will be defiled. And the dark side of human nature will be revived. Hate will come out of the shadows. Bigots will be emboldened. Everything we know and believe to be decent will be in question. Life during the Trump administration will be like living in Opposite World.
When you think of it, Donald Fuckface Trump is the polar opposite of Barack Obama. In your wildest dreams, could you ever imagine President Obama throwing a tantrum on a nationally televised debate stage, “No puppet, no puppet. You’re the puppet. No YOU’RE the puppet!”
President Barack Obama is cool, kind, thoughtful, respectful, professorial, measured, confident, reflective, intelligent, worldly, funny, tall, dark, handsome and good-hearted. He’s a great husband and father.
The hairy orange turd, however, is short-tempered, thin-skinned, revengeful, self-important, self-serving, vulgar, abusive, childish, vile, misogynistic, racist, overweight, pasty, ugly and mean-spirited. He publicly cheated on at least two of his three wives and freely admits he has the hots for his own daughter, Ivanka. Sorry, Tiff, apparently yours is a pussy Daddy don’t wanna grab.
Daddy also don’t care ’bout no stinkin’ daily intelligence briefings. You’d think with the chaos in the world, the President-elect would value a seat at the table with our intelligence community leaders. Nah. He’s good. And if he ever does have any concerns, he’ll just check in with his Islamophobic, fake-news-following National Security Advisor, Michael Flynn.
How does Donald Trump dispel the scary point President Obama made when he said, “If your advisors don’t trust you to tweet, then how can we trust you with the nuclear codes?” He doesn’t. Rather, he feeds into that fear by announcing, “The U.S. must greatly strengthen and expand its nuclear capability.” Plus he said it in a FUCKING TWEET! And not only did the pasty bastard not see the need to walk the declaration back, he did just the opposite and doubled down the next day when he told Morning Joe co-host Mika Brzezinski, “Let it be an arms race.”
In the run up to the election, there was talk of a pivot. A secret hope this was all a show and Trump wasn’t really this extreme. But after he won, President-elect Turd named Steve Bannon, the disgusting executive chairman of a news platform for racists and white supremacists, as his Chief Strategist. So much for that pivot!
If you were President of Opposite World (POOW), he will never be POTUS to me, who would you nominate to lead the Department of Energy? A nuclear physicist? A leader in alternative energy manufacturing? Nah, you’d choose Rick “Oops” Perry. The guy who cared so little for the department, when he vowed to eliminate it on the debate stage back in 2012, he couldn’t even recall its name.
Remember, this is Opposite World. Just think of the person least qualified. Like Bill Maher for Ambassador to the Vatican or Kanye West as the new Humility Czar.
So naturally Trump’s Secretary of Commerce will be Wilbur “the King of Bankruptcy” Ross who made his millions by investing in failing steel and coal companies. Secretary of Education? Betsy “Married into Amway” Devos who wouldn’t know a public school if it bit her in her privileged, boney ass. Secretary of Labor? Andrew Puzder who thinks the minimum wage is just fine. Administrator of the EPA? Scott Pruitt, a long-time climate change denier and beneficiary of fossil fuel lobbyists. Secretary of Treasury? Steven Mnuchin, former Goldman Sachs partner and hedge funder who greatly benefited by the Wall Street-induced mortgage meltdown. Secretary of State? Rex Tillerson, Exxon Mobile oil tycoon and Vladimir Putin’s boyfriend.
As of January 21, everything is going to be upside down in this world of ours. I’d like to say I have a way to get through it, a plan to provide a warm and fuzzy shelter from this shit storm. But I got nothin’. The best I can do is stand tall in my beliefs. Sure, I’ll write to my dipshit congressman, Fred Upton. I’ll keep volunteering. I will sign my Christian ass up as a Muslim if that registry does materialize.
But what I’m not going to do is pretend any of this is okay. It’s the opposite of okay.