I wrote this 20 months ago and, after today’s announcement of Sarah Sanders’ exit, I thought I’d give her a proper send-off by repeating the column. An update; she admitted to Mueller’s team she did, indeed, lie about the FBI’s contempt for James Comey. And since it’s been nearly 100 days since Lying Sarah gave a press briefing, I’m feeling a little bit prescient.
Back in 1995, Bill Clinton’s Press Secretary, Mike McCurry, began the practice of televising daily press briefings. Rumors floated this past spring that Trump was going to end the 22-year tradition. But Sean Spicer carried on, although at times he demanded all cameras go dark.
In July, Anthony Scaramucci swooped in for about a minute, whichled to Spicy quitting. On the Mooch’s way out, his parting words for newly-appointed Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, was to keep up the good work with the new hair and makeup team!
Nobody was sorry to see Sean Spicer go. He stuttered and stumbled over leaders’ names and infamously forgot about Hitler’s gas chambers. He tweeted out his Twitter password. Twice. And to dispute the story that Trump wanders around the White House in his bathrobe, Spicer claimed the boss didn’t even own a bathrobe. We all knew Spicy was just following orders, but his bumbling made it seem like the lies left a bad taste in his mouth.
On the other hand, his successor, Sarah HuckaBoo Sanders, has acquired a rather insatiable appetite for the all-you-can-eat White House buffet of lies.
With all the warmth of a Donald Trump condolence call, the soulless Sanders speaks in a slow, detached southern monotone. Her cocky, cockamamie statements are aimed at diminishing the free press. Sanders callously insults journalists and those of us who are interested in the truth. She shuts down topics with the smug disdain of someone who just squeezed out a Chinese takeout fart before exiting a packed elevator.
And unlike Spicer, who seemed to dread his time at the podium, Sarah, with her pearly choker necklace and smoky Maybelline eyes, is tickled pink to finally be the most popular girl in the room. Everybody frantically shouts her name and pleads for her to call on them.
A graduate of Ouachita Baptist University, Sanders is a devout evangelical, who, according to The New York Times, reads from a book of Christian devotionals prior to each press briefing.
“Jesus take the wheel, I’m ’bout to tell some big ‘ole whoppers up in here!”
Just like Trump, Sanders is a liar. She has lied about the FBI rank-and-file disdain for James Comey and lied about proof that President Obama wire-tapped Trump. She insists the Russian meddling story is a hoax, claiming the only collusion is between Putin and Hillary. And she overstepped her bounds by calling for the firing of ESPN’s Jemele Hill.
Sanders may have hit the Holy Jesus Jackpot when she told reporters it was “highly inappropriate” to debate four-star Marine general, John Kelly. Later she half-heartedly tried to soft-peddle that one, but she was right back at it the next day.
Sanders was asked if she’d like to correct the record after the tape showed Chief of Staff Kelly clearly got it wrong. In her trademark dismissive, dead-eye stare, Sanders said there was nothing to correct, adding that “General Kelly gave his account of what happened.”
Tape don’t lie, Boo!
The next day Sanders was asked about Jeff Flake’s powerful 20-minute “Enough” speech. She called it “petty” and “not befitting of the Senate floor.” THIS from the spokesperson for the self-proclaimed pussy grabber who, according to the Washington Post, averaged 4.6 lies PER DAY in his first six months in office.
I guess to be fair; the fruit doesn’t fall far from the rotten apple tree. Sarah’s dad, former Arkansas governor and presidential wannabe, Mike Huckabee is a crazy fool. He said, “Democrats want to insult women by making them believe they are helpless without Uncle Sugar providing them a monthly prescription for birth control, because they cannot control their libidos.”
He denounces homosexuality, the separation of church and state and Beyoncé. Mike doesn’t want men to go shirtless because it will lead to shirtless women. And he doesn’t like women who swear.
Fuck you, Mike!
So I agree with MSNBC contributor, Mike Barnicle and former state department official, Rick Stengel who both recently recommended we stop televising White House briefings.
In fact, let’s just end them altogether.
What’s the point?