• author
    • Jesse Loren

      Columnist
    • September 20, 2013 in Columnists

    California poops on our poo pursuit

    We just wanted a few buckets of elephant poo and we* were confident that we could get them. After all, the circus has made their elephant poo available to gardeners for years!

    An adult elephant eats 300-400 pounds of food a day.  Imagine what it puts out in fertilizer! Elephant poo has the reputation of having almost mystical qualities for growing vegetables.  We wanted “The Greatest Poo on Earth!”

    A few days after being turned away, the promoters of Ringling sent iPinion an email looking for the ladies of The Zen of POO.  After reading our story online, they tried to make it happen, but  there was only one day left before the circus moved to Stockton.   I was so excited to hear a big corporation wanted to help the “little guy” with poo fantasies.

    There it was, our glorious 15 minutes of fame on the back of a poo truck.

    The promoter was one of the employees from back when Pachy-Poo was regularly advertised in newspapers. (You remember newspapers?)  Just when I thought he was calling me back to set up the pick up time, he called with bad news.

    …California has the Clean Water Act…  and laws that regulate what can go into the ground…  There is a chance the poo could seep out of the compost box and creep into the aquifer…  So sorry, but no poo for you…  I tried.

    : -(

    I understand corporations have lawyers that worry about such things.   They probably can’t judge our competence from our enthusiasm. He put the kibosh on the poo pick up, which still makes me sad.

    I wasn’t going to eat it.

    I wasn’t going to twerk on it.

    I wasn’t going to feed it to my mother.  (I hear it smells like carrots)

    I was just going to compost it, then add it to my pollinator support garden come spring.

    So here’s the rub.  In California some animals can poo in the water and some can’t.  Fish, yes.  Cows, absolutely no. Dogs, no.  Raccoons, yes.  Deer, yes.  Coyotes, yes.  Canadian Geese, yes.   Elk, yes.  Toddlers, no.

    Elephants, no.

    There will be no poo flinging monkeys near water in this state!  There will be no dangerous gardeners with over zealous pachy-poo compost piles.  No way.  If you want to play with elephant poo, basically, you have to move to Florida.

    Florida.  No thanks.   I guess there are worse things than a lack of compost.

     

    * Katja Edgar, my friend and compost buddy.  Also, Spring Warren, author of “The Quarter Acre Farm,” helped with the truck.



    • By the way, the breeding center and the elephant retirement center are in Florida.



    • I love this elephant poo story! I love all sorts of poo adventures, but this one is classy and proper and makes us wanna cheer for the little guy and ask for big poo from the Big guy in the sky….It could be, of course,the Big Gal in the sky but that doesn’t flow as well, know what i mean. Thanks for the “poo” for thought, Jesse



    • I love that someone read the Ipinion article and got the ball rolling even if it didn’t work out.



    • I love that the parent company for Ringling got back to iPinion. I am a little sad that I can’t have pachy poo, but it does sound like a first world problem.



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