• author
    • Matthew Najmowicz

      Columnist
    • July 10, 2014 in Columnists

    Can you sell me this pen?

    Sell me this pen..

    Whether it’s a bag of ice or the latest car from BMW — the product doesn’t sell itself.  You need someone, an irresistible personality, to sell that product to the masses — a salesman.  Jordan Belfort of “The Wolf of Wall Street” was the cult of personality that sold ice to the eskimos.  The eskimos were convinced it was ice but instead it was sand.

    “The Wolf of Wall Street” is the reminder of the American Dream.  Remember what they told you in high school — just work hard and you can be a success?  Remember the meritorious principles they tried to instill into you when you were a mere tadpole.  Jordan Belfort reminds us all of what it truly takes to be a success in America.

    You have to work hard at ripping off other people.  Or I could restate it as you need to work hard at being a Capitalist.

    All throughout the movie, the ole adage was recited over and over: America is the land of opportunity.

    Through a penny stock scheme in which stock brokers cold-called people with cheap stocks to invest in, promising that your cheap stock you just bought would be the next AT&T or GE.  Meanwhile, not only did the stockbrokers earn a 50 percent commission, they also were majority shareholders.  Nice scheme, right?  Have a majority stake in a tiny company, pump up the value of the stock, and then when the time is right you sell your valuable stock at an inflated market price.  It’s called a pump and dump — a scheme done over and over again.

    One of the other pinnacles of criminal activity in the “The Wolf of Wall Street” was the firm’s first IPO (Initial Price Offering) — the first time a corporation becomes a publicly traded company.  This is the oldest trick in the book.  You take a company that has some sort of buzz around it and convince the financial world and the rest of the world that the company is going to be huge, like Donald Trump huge.  The word of mouth becomes so electrifying that the initial price of that soon-to-be public stock launches into the stratosphere like a shuttle rocket blasting to the stars.

    The first day that company is introduced to Wall Street to be traded, the stock is more inflated then a young man’s ego after he makes out with his first girl or guy.  As Paris Hilton used to say, that’s huge.

    In fact, didn’t this happen with Facebook?  Remember when Facebook was introduced to the marketplace with a giant pricetag on it?  It was a big giant expensive stock that grew for a week or so and then popped like a zit on a teenager’s face.

    Just as a side note: rocker Bono pulled out his shares of Facebook before the stock imploded.  He made over a billion dollars in a day.  Bono isn’t singing songs for the common man, capice?

    It takes more than an effective plan in order to amass your fortunes. You also need the man to sell the phony ice to men in igloos.

    Sell me this pen.

    As Jordan Belfort recruited his inner circle of cohorts to build his empire, every single one of them needed to understand the principle of supply and demand.  It’s not enough for you to merely desire a commodity or, in this case, a stock — you must be sold on absolutely needing it like a drink of water after days in a desert.  If there is a giant supply of Pepsi-Cola out in the world, the demand is low and the price is relatively low.  Imagine if there were only five bottles of Pepsi-Cola in the world, you could sell those bottles for a hundred grand apiece.

    Remember in the ’90s when they had a Woodstock event?  They were running out of water at the concert and at one point water was so scarce that some merchants were selling bottles of water for $9 a bottle.

    Yay Capitalism!  USA!  USA!  USA!

    As Jordan Belfort continued with his penny stock scheme, every perverted excess was at his disposal.  Women and drugs, fast boats and cars, giant homes with an entire staff and any desire fulfilled by the mere snap of your fingers.  This is what a lot of people consider the good life. This was Jordan Belfort’s answer to Socrates’s original posit.

    Whores and blow, Socrates.

    He absolutely devoted himself to his dream.  Forget family and friends. To be a success you need to religiously and fanatically follow the dollar signs wherever they go and he did that to the letter.

    Much like in the scriptures, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.  Capitalism giveth and Capitalism taketh away.

    Jordan Belfort was warned of the FBI investigating him and all he had to do was walk away.  This is like telling a holy roller to stop going to church on Sundays.  Jordan Belfort continued to try to build his financial empire and paid his price.

    Within a bat of an eyelash, his empire crumbled.  He lost virtually everything. His so-called friends ratted him out, his wife left him with the kids and he received a ride to federal prison.

    Ok Matt, stop talking about the shortfalls of Capitalism and tell us what you actually thought of “The Wolf of Wall Street.”

    You people are pushy.

    First off, it’s Martin Scorsese.  “Goodfellas.”

    What else needs to be said?  I love his movies and “The Wolf of Wall Street,” despite being close to three hours, just flew by.  The script was hilarious and the cast was magnificent.  Leonardo DiCaprio as Jordan Belford was amazing and Jonah Hill as Donnie Azoff was one of the highlights of that movie.  Plenty of naked women, sex scenes and debauchery for everyone.  Although this is a movie and there was excessive sex in the movie, one must wonder what truly goes on behind the doors of a financial institution.

    Despite the rotting tooth we call the Hollywood silver-screen, “The Wolf of Wall Street” is a masterpiece and was truly fun to watch.  Who knew one drug-fueled guy screwing others out of their money could be so entertaining?



    • Awesome movie!



    • “It was a big giant expensive stock that grew for a week or so and then popped like a zit on a teenager’s face.” That was SUBLIME!


      • Maya North

      • July 10, 2014 at 2:37 pm
      • Reply

      Oh, Matt, look at brilliant you. This is a glorious piece of writing and I am so deeply proud of you.



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