• author
    • David Lacy

      Columnist and iPinion co-founder
    • July 8, 2014 in Columnists

    Coming clean: I suffer from TMS and it’ll be years before there’s a cure

    Let’s get one thing out of the way early: My fiancée is ten years younger than me.


    The 1980s are merely part of the history books to her. To Tawny, “hair metal” refers to a barrette from Claire’s Jewelry.

    Other than during the first few months of dating however, (a period in which she frequently compared me to a dinosaur and even gifted me several triceratops collectibles) this has only been strange for other people. She and I actually settled into a rather streamlined partnership a while ago, and we honestly rarely even consider the decade discrepancy. We share the same values, love each other’s families, and generally enjoy the same activities (I even got her to be a Niner fan!).

    There is, however, one inevitable point of contention the age difference brings into stunningly sharp focus: Children.

    You see, I have the “dad gene” and I’ve felt its influence for several years now.

    The dad gene is that particular hereditary unit that predisposes some men to want to push strollers, sing lullabies and coo in baby talk for hours on end. Those who really succumb to the genetic pull develop a condition known as Ted Mosby Syndrome (TMS) (Look up How I Met Your Mother for additional information on this debilitating disease). Thankfully, so far, I’m only Stage I.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled I didn’t have kids with my ex. I know all too well the toll that divorce can take on children, and I also realize that when Tawny met me at the age of 21, she probably would have gone sprinting in the opposite direction had she spotted me sporting a chrome Baby Jogger City Select. (Side note: Have you seen the canopy model with extra seats and handlebar brakes? Check these bad boys out: http://www.babyjogger.com/product/city-select/). Yeah, just try and tell me those cruisers ain’t sexy.

    You can’t.

    Tawny, however, is in the midst of law school. After law school, she’ll need to prepare for the Bar Exam. After passing the bar, she’ll need to locate and settle down in a career. And unfortunately for me, every part of this process makes perfect sense to proceed childless. After all, I don’t suspect the third trimester of pregnancy is all too easy during an 80-hour-per-week internship, never mind everything subsequent (I hear labor, breast-feeding and sleep deprivation are all a wee bit tough as well). And to be fair, there’s no way in hell I was ready to be a parent at 24.

    To her credit (and another reason we make a great team), Tawny is exceptionally cognizant of my deteriorating TMS. We both made the same decision: to date someone just outside the edges of our respective life stages (i.e., mid 20s vs. early 30s – OK, OK, mid 30s! sheesh, leave me alone). She listens to me about my desires for fatherhood, assures me I’ll make a great dad even if I do have a hairline as narrow as a V-neck, and allows me to feel perfectly justified in my love of children.

    And I will do the same for her. She has worked hard to arrive at where she is today, and for her I am willing to be as patient as need be. For now, I’m content being the doggy dad. I’ll be the cool “older brother” to her kid sister. I’ll be the godfather to my best friend’s son. I’ll be the uncle to an awesome group of nieces and nephews. I’ll be the best rent-a-dad my friends and family could ask for.

    I’ll do this because as luck or fate would have it, the person who gets me the most just happens to be at a different life experience milestone than me.

    But you can bet that when the time does come we’re getting the fully equipped chrome convertible Baby Jogger.

    • She will want to be established in a law firm before she announces she is pregnant if she plans to stay there too. Time is on both your sides thankfully. When do you plan to get married?

      • Heather Alani

      • July 8, 2014 at 7:44 pm
      • Reply

      You will be an awesome dad! The good news is You have no baby making time clock. You can enjoy Tawny’s youth and your own right now. When the time is right, even if you are 45, you will be an even better dad, trust me. You are both so blessed to have each other! Children are wonderful but they do suck the life out of you and your relationship. They require so much. Time will tend to your (tms) 🙂

      • Sivan Butler-Rotholz

      • July 8, 2014 at 8:06 pm
      • Reply

      Life has given you an excellent opportunity to practice patience! And, yes, you’re both lucky the age difference is not gender-reversed.

      • David Weinshilboum

      • July 8, 2014 at 10:34 pm
      • Reply

      When your kid arrives (down the road), he or she will have baby jogger SWAG, as your godson would say 🙂

      • David Lacy

      • July 9, 2014 at 7:34 am
      • Reply

      Thanks all of you! Madge, May of next year!

    • OMG! Little Lacys! And… a whole new world of column material opens up to you!

    • You were born to be a Dad! You’ll have to practice on Shado and the others while you wait. I’ve found it very consoling to have a grand puppy.

      • David Lacy

      • July 9, 2014 at 5:30 pm
      • Reply

      Thanks everyone!

      • M.N

      • July 12, 2014 at 10:45 pm
      • Reply

      Hi prof lacy! WAAAAZZZZZUUUUPPPPPP!!

      wow I heard you were dating again but that was a few years back. I had no idea that your now engaged!! yaa??

      well I haven’t been reading your ipinion since WR class days but this is the first reprise. I didn’t think to look you up until tonight. I bumped into a fellow student who was working at Nordstrom today. She mentioned your name and I thought to look here to see whats new with the old teach. Just in case you were wondering, we all took your class back in 2011 at IVC. Do you still have the red merc?

      As a note, your class was super fun! We all remember you. You did leave a huge impression on us all.

      Oh yeah what happened to the invite? You were supposed to invite us to the first Hunger Games movie when it came out. Most of us was waiting!

      YOU DITCHED US!!! BOOOOO!!! (we remembered that too)

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