• author
    • Maya Stiles Parsons Spier

      Columnist, Editor-in-Chief
    • March 19, 2021 in Columnists

    Congressional Democrats, be the grizzly, not the deer

    When the wonderful day came, the squabbling faded to a grumbling growl in the background, that our real president, Joe Biden, was finally inaugurated, he entered the presidency with an avowal that he would seek reconciliation for this country.

    Now Uncle Joe is no fool. But even a fool can see that our country is more fragmented than I’ve seen it in 65 years of life. We’ve been tearing ourselves apart since long before the orange pustule lumbered in and squatted in the Oval Office, but we’ve reached a horrific zenith that most of us saw coming but hoped wouldn’t happen. The grand finale was the terrifying and violent insurrection, details of which are still emerging, that caused several deaths, including Officer Brian Sicknick (more about Officer Sicknick here), who died of his traumatic injuries, leaving family and friends stunned and grieving.

    One heinous detail that has emerged is the possibility that a number of Republican senators (details about this investigation here) may have given tours to the organizers of the insurrection.

    Given that 147 members of Congress (more on this national shame here) wanted to overturn a legally certified election in a grand example of adult tantrums, we should have expected the worst. Oh and let’s not forget that out of all the Republican senators, only seven voted to impeach the tangerine tyrant for fomenting that insurrection (more about these brave souls here). In a truly dazzling example of political lunacy, the pumpkin carbuncle’s supporters are vowing to take those seven down. Because of course they are. Heaven forfend that their representatives uphold the Constitution – or any sense of common decency.

    After all, what have they shown us during the term of the would-be mango despot but exactly who they are?

    If it helped the people, they voted against it.

    If it hurt women, restricted their lives, shoved them in the direction of Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale (in case you haven’t actually read it), they voted for it.

    If it protected the environment, they stripped those protections away.

    If they could benefit their corporate cronies by restructuring taxes, especially if it harmed those of lower income, they made it happen.

    If they could strip rights from LGBTQPIA+ people and return them to their closets, damn straight, if you’ll pardon the expression.

    If they could disenfranchise people of color, particularly Black people, they jumped right on the bandwagon.

    If they could move this nation toward a Christian evangelical theocracy, they were praying and voting us in that direction as fast as they could.

    I could go on (and on and on and on) but you get the drift.

    All the while, Moscow Mitch McConnell crouched like a venomous spider, grinning his evil turtle grin over every abomination the Republican Congress members could shove down our throats. The more evil it was, the more delighted he looked.

    I won’t lie. The idea of this beast rendered toothless gives me schadenfreude (what the heck IS that word?) on an exponential scale. For the first time in how long, he was disempowered. It must burn his butt in the best of all possible ways.

    Enter stage right the Democrats, now in the majority in the House and of equal standing in the Senate with our Vice President, Kamala Harris, able to cast the deciding vote. I was sure we had it in the bag.

    And then I started hearing about McConnell being able to block crucial legislation. About his power-mongering apace, despite Democrats’ having the upper hand.

    What the actual fuck?

    I’m sure there are procedural foofaraws (definition) that explain it. I was barely political before realizing that a monster was in the chute, fixing to explode in destructive paroxysms of narcissism that would take our country down dark roads, make us the laughingstock of the world, and open the door to power moves by China’s Xi and Russia’s Putin. Even with my four-year obsession, there are still details unknown to me and I’m honestly too exhausted to go find them. Nonetheless, what I see now is the same old saw. Republicans plot the destruction of everything good and work to strip the planet of all possible profit before it goes down in flames, taking us all with it. (Who cares about the children, anyway?  After all – once they’re past the fetus stage, they’re of no importance to these bastards.) And what do the Democrats do? They wanna play nice.

    No. Just…no.

    It’s like a deer engaging with a wolverine. Deer actually aren’t slouches when they need to be. Deer can kill a human if they feel they must, but generally, they don’t.

    Wolverines, on the other hand, are one of the three creatures I know of that kill for fun – the other two being humans and orcas. Wolverines are about the meanest little cusses you can imagine and they have NO interest in taking prisoners.

    Wolverines want what they want when they want it, just like Republican politicians.

    Democrats, time to morph into something scarier, bigger, and more determined. I’m thinking grizzly bear, the Latin name ursus arctos horribilis being well earned. No matter how scary a wolverine might be, it isn’t going to willingly take on a grizzly.

    That’s not to say Democrats need to be aggressive. Not at all. Dress the grizzly up in fancy clothes and teach it table manners and it would look quite civilized. Harmless and even adorable. But even in fine garb, at the end of the day, a grizzly is a grizzly.

    If we want to get done what we need to – paramount tasks being saving the earth and defeating COVID-19 – we simply must stop playing nicey nice. It’s fine to be sweet when we have that leisure.

    Right now, we do not.

      • Terri Connett

      • March 22, 2021 at 4:18 pm
      • Reply

      OMG what a hilarious ride! Loved everything about this. Especially, “what the actual fuck” and all your big words. I had to look up many of them. Thanks for the link for foofaraws! And you are so, so right! As usual! 🙂

        • Maya Stiles Parsons Spier

        • March 25, 2021 at 1:32 am
        • Reply

        Thank you so much! They did call me the walking dictionary in junior high and I found out years later I was referred to as “scary smart” which is amazing because I felt like a dunce much of the time. I’m just soooo tired of Democrats going limp and piddling themselves like cocker spaniels. No! We can’t afford to go all beta/omega — Republicans are looking for the slightest gap in our armor and will take any advantage they can. We have to learn from what works for them and turn it back on them. I’ve heard of examples of liberals doing that with conservatives and the conservatives wail that the liberals are being unfair (yeah, right, dudes — these are YOUR tactics so don’t whine to us) and then lose all control of the reality they sought to dominate. It works and we need to do it, too.

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