• author
    • Hannah Sullivan

      Columnist
    • January 9, 2015 in Columnists

    Curiosity will most definitely kill this cat

    Would you rather know everything about your significant other or hardly anything at all?

    Let me explain. I have this policy when it comes to dating. It’s “Hannah’s don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. Unless someone really needs to know something about my dating history, then I will most likely never speak about it. Same goes for me asking anything about your dating history. It just won’t happen. I know there are people who need to know and others who need to tell, but I’m just the kind of person who can’t handle knowing. Please, by all means, leave me in the dark. Because once I find something out, it will fester inside of me and will be my (and our) downfall.

    If a man talks about his ex too much, I assume he is bitter and or can’t get over it. Both are red flags. Don’t go posting vague status updates about how someone was served justice for the injustice they did unto you. Just no. Don’t be that guy. Or girl.

    It’s so easy to Facebook stalk someone. Some people leave up pictures from their past and others don’t. I’m sure you can guess which person I am. Once something is over and I have photographic evidence it once existed, you can be sure that I will delete those fuckers as soon as possible. I have huge gaps of my life missing from social media because of this reason. I know people who leave these pictures up and it takes little to no effort to find them. This is one of the main reasons I almost never Facebook stalk someone I’m interested in. It just takes one cute couple picture or cute couple comment to destroy my self-esteem and makes me second guess everything.

    My perfect relationship is one that stays off of social media. I mean, maybe a little bit of showing off won’t hurt. I can’t stand relationship testimonials though. Like, yeah, your relationship looks amazing on FB but not so much in the real world. Way to go.

    I wonder if I’m alone on this one? It might sound crazy to you but it works for me. It keeps me sane. In the past, when I was young and dumb, I would Facebook stalk the shit out of boyfriends. Finding out too much about them and actually seeing pictures of them being happy with an ex would kill me. Not even that saying, “They aren’t together for a reason” (or which ever version you prefer) could shake my paranoia. Knowing that some of them were friends with their ex’s or friends with girls they once had feelings for (or girls in general) would chip away at my sanity. Most times, I’d force them to take it down or stop talking to a particular person.

    When I think about how I used to be — I cringe. I don’t own these people. I just get the privilege to be a part of their lives for a little while or (hopefully one day) forever. If a boyfriend ever told me I wasn’t allowed to talk to my best guy pal, Matt Naj, I would tell them to hit the road. So why would it be okay for me to maintain contact with my friends and for them to not be able to? Shitty self-esteem and trust issues — that’s what’s up.

    I’ve learned a lot about myself over the years and I know what I can handle and not handle. I’m still learning life lessons like how to love and be loved. How to not project so much and accept the things I cannot change. How to trust and to let go. My past is a manual on how not to be anymore. When I get that nagging feeling or that little whisper in my ear that says “You should read into that more and ruin this good thing you’ve got going,” I know to just push that away and perhaps get a little validation. Not too much though. Just enough to remind me. It doesn’t have to be from someone else either. I give myself validation all the time. I also self-bully and that’s probably why I am the way I am. “I’m not good enough” needs to change into “You deserve to be happy and loved.” I’m working on it — I am working on me.

    So I ask myself that question: Would you rather know everything about your significant other or hardly anything at all? And my answer still remains the same. My way may not be the preferred way or the norm, but it works for me. Maybe one day, when I can completely love myself and someone else, and trust him entirely, I will learn everything there is to know about him.



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