Eventually, Donaldlogic will replace science
by Donald K. Sanders
There is so much information on the internet that I find hard to believe. Some of it just doesn’t make sense. Maybe it’s because I am so darned smart (and good looking too) but when I read some of the things online, it makes me worry about the survival of science as a whole. I think that eventually there will be no science at all and what will remain will be called “Donaldlogic.”
I’ll begin with a guy named Noah Fierer, an assistant professor of ecology at the University of Colorado at Boulder. He says, “A significant percentage, anywhere from 10 to over 50 percent of airborne bacteria, seems to be derived from feces.” If he had stopped right there I might have fell for it.
This Fierer guy claims that his study shows that the fecal bacteria in the air comes from dogs. Okay, what’s wrong with this statement? One, dogs poop on the ground. Two, dogs don’t have airborne poop. Finally, three, birds poop in the air or on your car. I rest my case. Airborne fecal bacteria comes from birds!
Am I smart or what? Onward and upward. According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, a mysterious orange goo that collected on shorelines near a village in Alaska is made up of fungal spores. This statement made me wonder why such a well-respected organization would use a word like “goo?”
If you list all of the words in the world that include “goo” you get only two words.
If you make a list the words you will get:
Sorted by length:
How common the words are: (depending on if you are French or like the rest of us)
More fun facts:
About seven million cars are junked each year. That’s a lot of cars. What I don’t understand is why can’t we sell them back to the company that made the junk?
The sunlight that strikes the Earth at any given moment weighs as much as an ocean liner. Now I know how lucky I really am because in all the years of my life, not once, have I gotten hit by heavy sunlight.
If you are ever in a contest to see who can throw a baseball farther, make sure that you are the one that throws the ball toward the West. Because of the rotation of the Earth, it will go farther than a ball thrown toward the East.
A broadcast voice can be heard sooner 13,000 miles away than it can be heard at the back of the room where it originates. “How can this be,” you may ask? Duh! Radio waves travel at 186,000 miles per second and sound waves crawl along at 700 miles an hour.
A broken clock is right at least once a day.
If you have a tapeworm in your stomach, it can come up while you are sleeping to lick the salt off of your lips. Ewwww!
If you suffer from Polythelia, you have three nipples. (I always thought it was a pimple.)
Some interesting words that I found or may have made up, I’m not sure:
Starvermerdivorous: A person that is so hungry, he will eat cow dung.
Doublehirplenoworkie: A person trying to be unnoticed while walking with a limp in both legs.
Semi-mattoid: A person who is not insane from birth but thinks he is.
Literaryshilpit: A word that is totally useless.
Donaldidiolalla: A crazy condition in which a person makes up his own language.
Spouseorixatrix: A nasty old hag that you are married to.
One more thing and then you can go on your merry way. I am compelled to say that, once again I have not been nominated for “The Citizen of the Year.” It is beyond me how a person of my stature, with such incredibly good looks can go, year after year without even a nomination. How can this be? I am really worried that there may be way too many Frenchmen living in my town.