Feeling Kind of Peeved
by Kelvin Wade
I have some pet peeves. When you really analyze your pet peeves, you can end up feeling like an idiot. Some of the things we get worked up about shouldn’t bother us as much as they do.
Case in point: Last week my girlfriend’s cable box wasn’t working. Specifically, she couldn’t get the channel STARZ. She called customer service and reached Bob (sure, that’s your real name) in Pakistan. When Bob told her that he could have a service technician out the next day, she responded, “You mean I have to go all night without STARZ?” She caught herself. Some people have real problems.
But still I get worked up over little things.
I can’t stand it when people flick cigarette butts on the ground. They don’t evaporate. The Cigarette Butt Fairy doesn’t fly out at night cleaning up old cigarette butts. I don’t finish drinking a soda and toss the can to the pavement. Still, in 2011, we have people who do this. Do we have to find a new Iron Eyes Cody to cry some more?
Another thing that bothers me are obnoxious theater patrons. If you’ve seen the movie before, shut up. I didn’t pay to watch it with your narration. And twice I’ve had people sit next to me in nearly empty theaters. One time there were only seven people in the theater and a couple came and sat next to me. Who does that? That would be like walking in the men’s room, seeing one guy using a urinal in a row of four urinals and using one right next to him. That’s not done!
I’m bothered by unnecessary previews and reviews. It’s okay if I watch a television show and they show me what took place last week. What gets under my skin is when I start watching a show and they show me what’s coming up, go to a commercial, and then come back and show me what happened before the commercial. They didn’t do all of this preview and reviewing when I was growing up. They didn’t have to show me what Marcia Brady was going to do after the break and then come back and replay what she did before the commercial.
Along a similar vein is when pundits read parts of a speech that the President or someone is about to deliver. Just let me hear the speech.
Restaurants being out of food are obviously a bummer for someone like me. I know it happens. But you go into a place with your mouth all set for your favorite dish and they’re out. Recently, I went to a steakhouse with a large party right when it opened. After dinner, several of my party wanted pecan pie for dessert. They were sold out. We came in when they opened. Was there a sudden rush on pecan pie? Did they only have one?
I hate Murphy’s Law at the checkout counter. Invariably in a store there will either be a long line to check out or there will only be one person in front of you but he/she always has some kind of problem that makes him/her take as long as three people in line.
A serious pet peeve? Anyone at my door who isn’t wearing a uniform, delivering a package, or holding either a pizza or an oversized million dollar check with balloons. It never fails. I just sit down and make myself comfy, and the doorbell rings. I open it to someone trying to sell me something or two well-dressed women who figure my soul is in need of saving. Ring my doorbell unsolicited and it’s your ass in need of saving!
I’m coming off sounding like a combination of Richard Lewis and Woody Allen on steroids. I’m not neurotic. Really I’m a mellow guy. I’m too nice, actually. I suffer fools. Most of these things I object to in my head but let them go.
But one of these days someone is going to be having a loud obnoxious conversation on a cell phone in public and I’m going to snap and turn their Blackberry into a dingleberry.