• author
    • Hannah Sullivan

    • July 11, 2014 in Columnists

    Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

    By some stroke of luck in this universe, I, Hannah Sullivan, only attract the pathetic, ignorant, passive aggressive douche bags. I’m not exactly sure why this is but I’m determined to put an end to this once and for all.

    I believe last time I wrote, I talked about a certain “gigantic ignoramus” who ruined my night. Well, he struck again. I should have known better, really. I give people the benefit of the doubt and they wipe their feet all over it like they would a welcome home mat.

    These types of people are really good at making you believe there is some sort of chemistry between you. Some reason as to why you continue to put up with their bullshit. It’s their get out of jail card. This person does this to me constantly. He tells me things I want to hear, but not too much – just when I am about to turn my back, he will say something to keep my attention a little while longer. I’m not sure what he gets out of this other than my attention and a warm body to lay next to. To me, that feels so empty. When I start to analyze whatever is going on here that’s all I feel – empty.

    I want so much more than that. Sure, being close to someone is great, but when there’s absolutely nothing else keeping you together, what is the point? Don’t we all deserve someone who will give and take equally? It hurts when you feel like you’re doing all the giving and they’re doing all the taking. It makes me think I’m crazy for thinking there was ever something there in the first place.

    Just tell me if you like me or not! That’s all I ask!

    That is that person’s M.O – make someone believe there is something, take what you want and then act like nothing happened when they start to believe the lie. That is what hurts the most when someone blatantly ignores how you feel or just ignores you all together.

    What kind of man makes plans with a lady and then conveniently forgets? But on top of that, ignores her text messages all together? This person is a true mastermind because they told me, when the plans were being made, that they “wanted to talk about things and make sure we are okay”. This conversation happened a week after I asked what was happening between us and got no real answer. So I did what anyone would do  – moved on.

    I went on an amazing date with a really cool guy. It ended up not working out between us, but it was probably the best date I’ve been on in a long time. I want the cliché Hollywood love story and this person wants to be alone but have several women waiting for him to text.

    I can understand being a tease and liking the attention and even the ego boost, but at what point does it turn into actually hurting someone and not even caring? You have to be truly dead inside to be able to do that to someone. They probably have been hurt before and now it’s their turn to hurt someone else. Could it be that they’re just that oblivious? Honestly, how are they even functioning in the real world if they are?

    What sucks the most is the fake apology at the end of all of this, with the sad looking emoji. Oh yeah, because you’re so sad, you stood someone up. Okay. What also sucks is not believing your friends. Friends always tell you you deserve better and you remember that for a day, then go right back to this vicious cycle. I know mine did and I fell right back into the trap. It’s really easy to do so when you’re both available and lonely.

    That fool me once quote is ringing in my head. I felt in my bones when I was getting ready today that I was wasting my time and I did. I look totally fabulous and I feel dumb. So now I am left with unresolved feelings and this person gets to walk away like nothing happened.

    I just can’t wrap my brain around this situation and it’s basically the definition of my love life. When did we all stop being honest with one another? I couldn’t imagine acting this way and being able to wake up with myself the next morning.

    This isn’t me looking for sympathy – it’s me trying to get the word out that this behavior is unacceptable and we should all learn to be decent human beings. I swear to God, if this person ever tries to contact me again, I will first try my very hardest to suppress my need for a killing rampage and then send them the link to this column.

    • I did this for 14 years with someone who everyone liked. But I knew inside it was a dead end. We were great together and then we weren’t. Ended it for good this time 4 months ago and much happier. Do I miss the interplay, absolutely, but after all these years it was finally the time to pull the plug on it all. I miss the interaction and the closeness we did have for a lot of the years but I always was working too hard. He was always there when we were together and he made me feel I was the one but when not together, not really paying attention to the details. Very charismatic and it should be noted he was in sales. I feel for you. One can be very lonely in a relationship too. I would rather be lonely on my own. Keep busy, mourn the loss and indeed move on.

      • Heather Alani

      • July 11, 2014 at 9:42 am
      • Reply

      We all do this. It starts with early conditioning. Go back to your first male love, look for the crack, acknowledge it and move on. Someone said once said Marry a geek and you will be happy for the rest of your life! Fall in love with mental and spiritual commonality. If you look for the physical attraction, you will find too late in life, you are mentally and spiritually alone. You know the guy who you think you could be best friends with? The guy you wouldn’t want to “ruin” a great friendship by dating? Well, he is the one that will make you truly happy. It’s not all the whisper in the ear my sweetness.

    • The dating scene (I include random hookups and booty calls in this scenario) is a real pain in the ass. Then again, if you are that “good guy” that is just another way of someone calling you a pussy. What I am trying to say is that dating is simply hard. It’s not easy. Heather is right though, you have to leave all options on the table in the dating world.

    • I suppose the hardest thing to do is to keep getting your heart broken without your heart turning into stone. That’s the real danger.

      • Maya North

      • July 11, 2014 at 5:20 pm
      • Reply

      I suspect it’s something we all go through — and often these miscreants are gorgeous and charismatic, which doesn’t make it easier. One of my first boyfriends was exactly like that and it took a while to not only figure HIM out but recognize it when it comes back in a different person. You’ll get there. <3

      • Hannah Sullivan

      • July 12, 2014 at 3:56 pm
      • Reply

      Thanks for the support! This must be a milestone we all go through in life.

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