Goofy stuff everyday, everywhere in the news
by Donald K. Sanders
Every day I read about current events on my computer, and every day I am amazed at how goofy some of the news reports are. Why such goofy stuff is displayed on a respectable news page is beyond me. All you have to do is read the headlines and stupid pops right at you, sucking you in like a tornado. When you are done reading this goofy news you will think, “I can’t believe I wasted my time reading that!”
I’ll give you a few examples:
Yesterday there was a lady, a dark brown lady, that was accused of putting her young daughter inside a tanning booth with her. The young lady, a dark brown young lady, admits to being inside the booth with her mother. Yet the mother says the daughter got her sunburn outdoors and she would never put her in a tanning booth.
OK, that’s two stupids. Stupid for putting her in the booth and stupid for lying about it.
A guy named Jose Rodriguez, a former CIA official responsible for perfecting water board techniques for interrogations of terrorists,
illegally destroyed 80-something CIA secret tapes, thinks he is above the law. He never denies destroying the tapes and says he did it to protect others.
Well, I guess he’s right, he is above the law. If you or I had done this dirty deed, the DA would say that it doesn’t matter why you destroyed the tapes, it is still a crime to destroy these tapes. Duh!
Scientists have invented a way to spray yourself drunk in an instant. It used to be called “huffing.”
A guy in Spain was struck in the scrotum by lightning. Witnesses claim that the guy smells like roasted nuts.
A guy in New York says there are no ethics in today’s business dealings, anywhere. I think he’s right, because unethical does not mean illegal, right?
Most special investment vehicles, mortgage-backed securities and hedge funds, that include mortgage default investment and others like them, have structures that are too difficult for even sophisticated investors to fully comprehend, yet people keep pouring their money down that drain. I think that’s just goofy.
If you go to your bank and put $100 in a savings account, you’ll be lucky if the bank pays you 1% in interest for a year. If you take out a bank-sponsored credit card, the bank will charge you 25% or more in interest. That’s pretty goofy.
What is “pump and dump?” It’s the practice of selling stocks at a cheap rate to folks like you and me. What’s goofy about this is the fact that there is some company selling the stocks at a cheap rate to get out from under a stock before it collapses.
Did I say that right? Anyway, we look to stock analysts to direct us to which stocks we should buy. Most of the time it is the analysts that are
selling the stock they are telling us to buy! Goofy!
Rachel “Bunny” Melon thought that paying John Edward’s hookers was foolish but fun. She should be put in the same cell Edwards is put in.
Inisliroo Island, a part of Ireland, is for sale at a measly $970,000. We should buy it and put it in the middle of Putah Creek.
Argentine parents went to say goodbye to their child that had previously died and found him alive in the morgue 12 hours later. I think their doctor should be buried instead of the baby.
That’s it! I can’t read any more. Especially when you consider the fact that if you weren’t reading this, you’d have to go to the internet to read your goofy news. Here, you get goofy news for free, or if you wish you can send me a dime @ don_t_b_a_sap.com.