• author
    • Kaila Charice

    • June 19, 2014 in Columnists

    Grudge free

    Hatred is a wasted emotion. When you spend your time hating someone, you’re preventing yourself from loving another. Hating brings in negative energy and clouds your senses. How can you genuinely experience happiness if you’re holding on to a bottled up grudge that you’re able to conceal from those around you?

    When I woke up this morning it clicked. For over a year now I’ve held a grudge and I’ve hated a guy I dated because of how he treated me. Sure, a month after we broke up I got over it and moved on, but I still hated him. When I heard his name, even if it was someone else who just happened to have the same name, I cringed. I despised everything about him.

    This morning, I realized that if I ever really want to move on, I need to let go, and that means not hating him.

    There’s been this lingering residue of my past hanging around.

    By holding a grudge this long I didn’t overcome or move past anything. I suppressed existing feelings and stored them away so I could function, but I didn’t let myself start fresh.

    I’ve never had any problem cutting someone out of my life if they’re toxic. I learned early on that time should not be spent with those who don’t value you. However, while not needing or wanting someone to be a part of your life is fine, taking your energy to hate them is a waste of your time.

    I’m not saying I’m forgiving and forgetting everything, but in hindsight, I have a better understanding of why certain things happened, and even my own mistakes, like sticking around when deep down I knew I should have left, and turning my cheek numerous times to things I shouldn’t have.

    It’s like a weight was just lifted off my shoulders. I don’t know why this realization couldn’t come sooner, but I feel I’ve grown up and I’m definitely still growing.

    There’s something I’ve realized about growing up; it’s more than just being an adult in the technical sense of the term. Growing up is a process that lasts your entire life. We’re constantly evolving and improving ourselves. Holding a grudge against someone doesn’t have any benefit. In fact, it can actually prevent you from moving forward.

    I’m taking this step of being grudge free. There will always be people that wrong you or do mean things to you, but in order to get past those incidences, you need to look back at yourself and realize that the past is the past and it cannot be changed, but the future is still something to look forward to.

    I realize as I type this that it all seems like so much common sense. In fact, I’ve even given this information as advice to friends before, but never absorbed it myself.

    I guess it’s true, time heals.

      • Maya North

      • June 19, 2014 at 8:14 pm
      • Reply

      I hate only one person and hold only one real grudge and it’s against someone who truly abused my daughter. I don’t dwell or plot or fume, but I also pray that I never see her again as long as I live or I cannot guarantee good behavior on my part. She abused me, too, but I could let that go, but when it comes to my daughter, Mother Bear figures God can forgive — that’s not her job. On the other hand, there are people who have been absolutely horrid to me and I’ve let it go — forgiven if not forgotten. Heaven help me if I forget — I might let them do it to me again! For the rest — you’re right. They’re not worth it… XXXOOO

    • Forgiveness is freedom when we forgive both ourselves and the other person in our heart. Holding on to any negative beliefs, thoughts, judgments or feelings stick us to the person and problem and creates an ongoing cycle of dis-ease. “If you want to free yourself from all types of problems in mind, body and affairs, you must release others to find their good in their own way. A clear channel is then opened for a great good to come to all involved. Your own freedom and well-being depend upon such release, as do the freedom and well-being of your loved ones.” Catherine Ponder

      Thanks for the good information! 🙂 Lee aka The MEGA Coach

    • It’s so cliche’ but hating someone is allowing them free rent to the space inside your head. I am so about owning my feelings at this juncture of the life journey and NOT allowing someone to spit their damage on me. “You hurt me (insert foul here) it’s not acceptable I don’t deserve it.”

    • Yes, as you grow and evolve farther in the game, you actually will have less resentment to other’s actions because as one mature’s they do not let people in as easy. I cannot be easily hurt by anyone. A shame is the one I let touch the tenderness of my heart who in turn hearts me. It is not a privilege I easily give.

      • Wes

      • June 26, 2014 at 5:37 pm
      • Reply

      They say ‘Resentments are like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.’ -Not that we want anyone to die, but, the point is only we suffer. Most of the time, they have no idea.

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