• author
    • Hannah Sullivan

    • January 31, 2014 in Columnists

    Here are all the reasons why this guy is single

    I would like to respond to something I saw on Facebook today. It’s this stupid list of “rules” titled “How Men Think In Relationships.” These rules were probably written by a guy who has never had a real relationship of any kind of substance and is most likely in high school. If you’re reading it and agreeing with him, then you should seriously reconsider your life choices. You’re probably wondering why you’re single too.

    Why are there guy and girl rules to relationships anyways? Why are there even rules at all? Not every relationship is going to be a cookie cutter one. Every couple has different problems. I don’t get it. I don’t get relationships either. Maybe I’m the wrong person for this. Oh well, I’m doing this anyway.

    This person numbered all the rules “1” on purpose. It wasn’t me just not knowing how to number things correctly. Not all of the original rules made it into the cut. I either combined the redundant rules together or changed the wording a little without taking away from the original content. Some of them were just too stupid to explain.

    1. Men are not mind readers. If we ask what is wrong and the answer is “nothing,” we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying but it’s not worth the hassle.
    Neither are women — what’s your point? I am guilty of holding things in. I don’t say what is really on my mind in a relationship. And when and if I finally do — it blows up in my face. Sometimes I hold things in so much that when I finally do say something, it’s an explosion. That is totally and completely my fault. I’m not blaming the guy here. It’s easier for me to try to solve someone else’s problems than my own.

    I’m not a mind reader either. Sometimes I assume what others are thinking, and that’s never a good thing. I don’t expect my significant others to be mind readers. I just want them to understand that opening up is a hard thing for me to do. Instead of saying men are not mind readers, maybe this person should realize that no one is. Instead, they should follow this rule with “Just because I’m not a mind reader doesn’t mean I don’t care about what is on your mind.”

    1. Learn how to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
    They’re right — I don’t hear guys complain that the seat is down. This is a debate that will go on forever. I personally don’t really care if someone leaves the seat up. Just think of it this way — the girl puts the seat down and the guy lifts it back up. Whichever way you look at it, you’re both moving the seat. I mean yeah, a guy doesn’t necessarily have to put it up but they do. So I don’t really see the big deal here. I think the wording of this rule is a tad bit rude but other than that it doesn’t bother me. He’s right — just put the seat down. In the long run, are you really going to care if it’s up or down? It takes about .5 seconds to put the seat how you like it. Not only that —  guys have to sit down sometimes too, so they’re really doing more work than we are.

    1. Crying is blackmail.
    Coming from a person who does not easily cry, this rule is pretty bogus. It takes a lot for me to cry about something. And — guys cry too. Have we forgotten that everyone cries? I’ve had boyfriends who have cried. Doesn’t make them any less of a man. I actually think they cried more than me. I can maybe see this person’s point with this rule… maybe. When I see someone cry, all I want to do is tell them it’s going to be okay and to comfort them. Is that considered blackmail, because I honestly don’t know.

    I think if you’re crying to get your way, then you are the worst kind of person. Learn to use your words!

    1. Ask for what you want. Let’s be clear on this one. Subtle, strong or obvious hints don’t work. Just say it.
    I agree with this one. I am a pretty oblivious person when it comes to picking up on hints. I have a lot of friends who can vouch for me on this one (and a few boyfriends too).

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
    Maybe if you’re talking to your mother about how your day at school went then yes, they’re acceptable. Not when I’m asking you the six most crucial questions: who, what, when, where, why and how!

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it — that’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
    I disagree. My friends tell it how it is — no sympathy. Boyfriends should have some sympathy. What are you, a robot?

    Also, what problem solving dilemma am I coming to you with that needs sympathy? I’m confused.

    1. Anything said after six months is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
    FALSE! Anything that leaves your mouth is open for discussion at any point in time. Maybe more people are more like me than I thought — sitting and dwelling on things until you erupt like a volcano.

    I can’t even remember what I said seven days ago let alone six months ago.

    1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. If you ask a question you didn’t want an answer to — expect an answer you don’t want to hear. I am in shape and yes, round is a shape.
    “Hey, that’s mean,” I say while scarfing down an entire bag of cheese flavored rice cakes.

    If one of my boyfriends ever said I was fat, I’d probably cry for a year. Body image is struggle for anyone. I have skinny friends who say how fat they are right to my face. I’m like, excuse me? Shut the hell up. At least fat girls can lose weight. Guys who have inferiority complexes about what they have below the belt can’t change a damn thing about it. Looks like you have it worse than we do.

    Oh and let’s not forget the second half. It’s okay for you to consider your body shape as “in shape” but it’s not okay for us? Just making sure I read that right.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad/angry, then we meant the other one.
    No you didn’t. Own up to what you say.

    1. Whenever possible, only talk during commercials.
    Rude. This rule can be for both sides. Depends on who’s watching the show. If you start to talk during Pretty Little Liars — heads will roll. This is just a common courtesy rule, really.

    1. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions and neither do we.
    Coming from someone who can’t even navigate around their own state (and it’s the smallest state out of all of them too) without directions or a GPS then yes, yes, you do need directions. I hate getting lost in unfamiliar places. I’m sure this guy just wants to prove how macho he is and how he can find his way back yadayada bullcrap but I don’t see what is so bad about directions. Why is this a touchy subject? Must be a guy thing. I think I need to ask Matt the reasoning behind this, so I’ll have to get back to you.

    1. Men only see 16 colors.
    I’m not sure how this is a rule, but okay.

    Here’s a story for you. My brother and I were watching some show on some network and it was sort of like battle of the sexes. They gave men and women different tests like memorization, identification — that sort of thing. There was a color test. They showed a gradient of the color red to the viewer. They asked the viewer how many different shades of red there were. I don’t remember the right answer but I do remember that guys see less differences in colors than girls. I guess I’m a guy, because I only saw the same colors they saw.

    This person then went on to say how guys should pass this along to other guys for a laugh and to girls for an even bigger laugh because they know it’s true.

    Can I punch this person yet?

    • Toilet seat. If you are visiting in an all women household, then men should leave the seat back down after they are done. Women can do the same for men only households.

    • Men and women are different and it took me a long time to accept that.

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