• author
    • Hannah Sullivan

    • September 18, 2013 in Columnists

    How do you top riding naked on a wrecking ball?

    Breaking news everyone! Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth called off their engagement this week. I call dibs on him, so all of you can back off!

    I would kill to have a guy like him. For starters, he’s drop dead gorgeous. That’s not the only reason why I love him, though. The fact that he was around for Miley’s transformation just proves that he knew her inside and out, and loved her for who she really is. That’s true love.

    It seemed like once she went full rebel, they didn’t really go together as well. He seems conservative and she is more of a wild child. I do commend her for her newfound attitude and style. I’m sure it’s not easy to have your own personality once Disney picks one out for you. I don’t know if I’m a huge fan of her licking things and twerking though.

    So, I need to point this out because it’s been bothering me since the VMAs – why was her tongue so white? That girl needs to invest in a tongue scraper. And yes, that is a real thing.

    Confession time – I did watch some of Hannah Montana. But I thought it was kind of silly and quickly got bored of it. It just wasn’t my thing. Maybe if I was younger I would have liked it. I did like her though. I think that’s why I watched it. She was just a funny girl goofing off and I enjoyed that.

    Ever since that show, older guys sometimes really channel their creative side and call me Hannah Montana. It’s not funny nor has it ever been funny. You can stop now.

    What really is funny was running into another Hannah. We got onto the subject of our names and I asked her if she gets the same questions I do from people. Like: Do I know my name is a palindrome? For those of you who don’t know that means, it’s something that’s spelled the same forwards and backwards (It could also be a series of numbers as well). It’s like, “Wow, I’ve been spelling my name all this time and never realized this. Thanks stranger!” I just had to ask her if she’s tired of being called Hannah Montana too. The answer is obvious.

    Miley and I sort of grew up together. No, we weren’t next door neighbors. I’m only a year older than her, but we both went through personal transformations. Maybe not at the same time, but I can relate. There’s just a point in time where you wake up and you know exactly the kind of person you’re supposed to be. I used to be this very shy girl who never really stood out. I went to Catholic school my whole life and always had to wear a uniform. I had more pleated skirts than I did jeans and T-shirts. I never really got to express myself and find my own fashion identity until I went to college.

    Flash forward to now. I’ve changed my hair more times than I can count. I have more creepy rings than the average person should probably own. I get called weird by my bother on a daily basis, and I’m okay with that. I’m no longer that shy girl who just follows the crowd. I am my own person for sure, and I never walk to the same beat twice.

    I get Miley (sorta). I may not agree with some of her shenanigans, but she’s just testing out the waters like a normal person does. However, I think that she’s more interested in attention than anything. Not only that, but it’s not even positive attention. She’s trying way too hard to shock us by one-upping herself. What else is there to do after riding on a wrecking ball naked and licking a sledgehammer?

    What bothered me the most about her Wrecking Ball video and seeing her at the VMAs was that, at the time, she was doing all this crazy stuff and she had the fiancé and I’m single. I was thinking to myself, “What does a girl have to do around here to be noticed by guys and catch me a good one?” Licking things would surely get me a few looks, but not dates. I’d be getting the wrong kind of attention. I remember the good old days when you actually had to be interesting in order to get guys to notice you. Now all I have to do is twerk.

    I do have to say that I’m quite fascinated by Miley. I think I spent the better portion of my morning watching interviews with her on YouTube. I don’t know about anyone else, but I will most definitely be watching the Miley Cyrus documentary that’s coming to MTV in October. I guess she did get what she wanted. I’m giving her the attention she wants by watching all of these videos. I also Googled her a few times to get my facts straight about her for this column if need be.

    My God, that’s it then. She is taking over the world and there’s nothing we can do about it.

      • Janice

      • September 18, 2013 at 2:36 pm
      • Reply

      He obviously had someone waiting because he was seen the next day with a new girl. She”s beautiful.

      • Hannah Sullivan

      • September 19, 2013 at 10:01 am
      • Reply

      It was me. Haha just kidding. But I did write this when they were still sort of together.

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