I am not an insult and neither are you
Recently, our beloved Amy Ferris posted a link about some new embarrassment spewed by Michele Bachmann, the apparently decorticate U.S. Representative from the fine state of Minnesota where other decorticates apparently saw fit to elect her (one wonders if this was the result of a collective effort of cockroaches, attempting to brainwash large numbers of humans into destroying the earth, so they can inherit it).
This elicited some pretty strong responses which I find quite reasonable, as the idea of this woman being in a position of power makes me shiver and throw up a bit in my mouth.
And then, someone who shall remain nameless, posted this (and pardon the language – this time the choice of words was not mine): “Fuck you bull dyke!”
Aw, c’mon. Really? I’m so sick of people using women in any of our varied permutations as insults. In fact, I’m sick of anyone using someone else’s normal as an example of worthlessness. I replied that “bull dyke” was a compliment that Michele Bachmann did not deserve. I offered the following insult and curse as a stellar example (okay, I was annoyed – as little respect and liking as I have for the woman, I don’t actually want any of this to happen to her):
“Michele Bachmann, please ooze back under the rock from which you apparently spontaneously spawned from the rotting detritus of the decaying corpse of a decorticate serial killer of the small children you forced to be born and subsequently slaughtered on the altar of your deranged ambition. Once there, I pray that you will be first mangled and then swallowed by a small predator with an intestinal tract so lacking in acid that your demise is slow and excruciatingly painful.”
Now that’s a curse.
Should I wish to add insult to injury, I could do no better than to turn to Shakespeare, whose dexterity in meting out insult is unparalleled. Here is a list of insults – take one from each column in any combination that delights you (http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/shake_rule.html):
[Selections from the] Shakespeare Insult Kit
Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 artless base-court apple-john bawdy bat-fowling baggage beslubbering beef-witted barnacle bootless beetle-headed bladder churlish boil-brained boar-pig cockered clapper-clawed bugbear clouted clay-brained bum-bailey craven common-kissing canker-blossom currish crook-pated clack-dish dankish dismal-dreaming clotpole dissembling dizzy-eyed coxcomb droning doghearted codpiece errant dread-bolted death-token fawning earth-vexing dewberry fobbing elf-skinned flap-dragon froward fat-kidneyed flax-wench frothy fen-sucked flirt-gill gleeking flap-mouthed foot-licker goatish fly-bitten fustilarian gorbellied folly-fallen giglet impertinent fool-born gudgeon infectious full-gorged haggard jarring guts-griping harpy loggerheaded half-faced hedge-pig lumpish hasty-witted horn-beast mammering hedge-born hugger-mugger mangled hell-hated joithead mewling idle-headed lewdster paunchy ill-breeding lout pribbling ill-nurtured maggot-pie puking knotty-pated malt-worm puny milk-livered mammet qualling motley-minded measle rank onion-eyed minnow reeky plume-plucked miscreant roguish pottle-deep moldwarp ruttish pox-marked mumble-news saucy eeling-ripe nut-hook spleeny rough-hewn pigeon-egg spongy rude-growing pignut surly rump-fed puttock tottering shard-borne pumpion unmuzzled sheep-biting ratsbane vain spur-galled scut venomed swag-bellied skainsmate villainous tardy-gaited varlot warped tickle-brained vassal wayward toad-spotted whey-face weedy unchin-snouted wagtail yeasty weather-bitten
Oh, the veritable feast of insults available here! The delicious bringing down of the mammering, knotty-pated gudgeon, the comeuppance of the goatish, flap-mouthed foot-licker, the infectious, tickle-brained maggot-pie. I quiver with the joy at the very thought of it.
However, these things are not insults, in no particular order:
Gay (and any derivation thereof) Lesbian(and any derivation thereof) Pussy (euphemism for vagina) Wussy (another euphemism for vagina) Woman Old Any direct reference to female body parts Any reference to one’s religion Fat The R word for the intellectually disabled The N word The D word for the deaf Any other ethnic slur Any description of a person’s physical characteristics Any epithet that uses a physical disability as an insult A woman who in any way behaves sexually the way men do
The list goes on.
I am not an insult. What I look like is not a put-down. I am not less because I am female. Being called a woman is a compliment, not the worst thing anyone could call you. If I love women, or if you’re a man who loves men, that’s not an insult either. You don’t get to use a demeaning word on me if I behave just like a man. Either we’re both entitled or neither of us is. My race, my ethnicity, my faith, my stature, my age, my gender are not available to be used as an insult by you or by anybody, including me.
So, yes, do go forth and hurl magnificently creative insults at each other’s heads, like monkeys flinging poo. But don’t use the state of someone’s being as an insult. If you are someone willing to do that to another, you are far more vulnerable to it than I.