I am not having a corona virus holiday!
I know this will sound a little like a fairy tale, but I swear every word is true. Okay, so here is what happened.
On Monday, March 16th, I found myself in the middle of the coronavirus. The TV told me that I should stay at least 6 feet away from any other human being on Earth. This has never been a problem for me since I like to do volunteer work for Putah Creek Council and I always seem to be dirty from weeding and planting trees along its banks, so people naturally shy away from me because they think I might ask them to help.
I thought to myself that nobody in his right mind would be picking up garbage at the creek today so on this particular Monday, I grabbed one of those large black garbage bags and a garbage picker-upper thingy so I didn’t have to bend over to pick up the garbage. All I had to do was squeeze the handle and it clamped onto the piece of garbage and then let it loose inside the black baggy thingy. Easy-smeasy!
So I parked by the community garden and walked toward the creek. I started down the rocky stairs and sure as hell my foot slipped and I tumbled three or four feet and landed on a rock at the bottom. The fall knocked the wind from me so I couldn’t get up. I had heard the cracking of bones when I fell, so I pretty much thought I was a goner. I was kinda hoping that someone would come within six feet of me but there was no one around.
Eventually, I hauled myself up, got to the truck, and made my way home. I figured all the hospitals would be crowded so I called Kaiser Hospital where I got a recording that said to call 911 but do not come to the emergency room. I called my doctor’s number. He was on vacation, so I left a message, “Hey Doc, I broke some ribs and I’d kinda like to see ya.”
I sent my wife a text and she found the same thing. Do not come to the hospital! She did however manage to get me a prescription for a couple of day’s worth of pain meds. Well, as anyone who has experienced broken ribs knows the damn pain meds don’t help much anyway until you start to run out of them.
So I got the phone again with Kaiser asking for more pain meds and of course, they thought I was a junkie. To make a long story short they told me that I had to go in for x-rays. Now I was thinking how the hell am I gonna go there if I can’t get out of the damn chair?
So my wife had to take off work to get me to the hospital. I expected to see large crowds like it said on the news, but the place was completely empty except for a couple of nurses and a doctor. To make a long story short, they told me, “Yep, broken ribs” and sent me back home with a new script for a couple of day’s worth of pills.
Five days since I had fallen and I was still trapped in this easy chair. It turned out that I couldn’t help plant trees, weed them, or water them. I couldn’t wrap them with wire to keep the beaver from chewing on them. I couldn’t spread fertilizer or anything else. So I was thinking, “What the hay! I must be on a coronavirus holiday!”
Okay, that was two and a half months ago. Things went well for quite a while until I had to lay my motorcycle down to keep from causing an accident. Now I’m laid up again with a broken shoulder blade and a bad hip. At least I didn’t hurt anyone else!
This is still no fun and I still can’t plant or water any trees. I can’t pick up garbage at the creek and I’ve been having nightmares about how garbage in our waterways is so destructive that it sends the water in directions it would not normally take, endangering wildlife and causing erosion. I’m not having a coronavirus holiday.