I don’t wanna gloat but . . .
I was a closet Democrat during the Oval Office blowjob, Al Gore lockbox and WMD years. It didn’t help that I worked for a global corporation that brought right wing politics into company town halls and allowed employees to hold prayer meetings before the 8 o’clock bell.
But along came Barack Hussein Obama. Oh, they hated his socialist, Muslim, Reverend Wright-lovin’, organizin’, foreign, black guts. But he was my JFK and I came out publicly for Obama. I donated and volunteered (twice). And I came clean to my mostly Republican neighbors by pounding an Obama/Biden sign into my lawn (twice).
After seven years of unpatriotic Republican partisanship, obstructionism and, in some cases, pure racism, I am proud of what President Obama has managed to accomplish. Because of his record, the Democratic Party should retain the White House in 2016. And maybe we will. But it might be for a completely different reason.
The Republican Party is totally bat shit.
Last Thursday, John Boehner’s heir apparent got cold feet. Or he got a hot threat to expose a rumored affair. Whatever the reason, Kevin McCarthy walked away from the Speaker job. And apparently nobody else wants it. That should have been a victory for the Freedom Caucus, formerly known as the Tea Baggers – those 40 or so Republicans who throw temper tantrums and think ‘compromise’ is a four-letter-word. But that group is getting trumped by, well, Trump. His first place ranking in the polls has been cemented by his bombastic remarks, whether he’s assuming some Mexican immigrants might be good people, predicting Megyn Kelly’s monthly cycle or calling everybody in his way stupid losers.
And then there’s Dr. Ben Carson, currently number two in the polls. The retired pediatric surgeon who suggests shooting victims rush their would-be assassins. Yet when a gun was pointed at him says he gave the bum’s rush to some poor guy behind the counter at Popeye’s. The Medal of Freedom winner who said Jews could have shot their way out of Auschwitz. The genius who separated conjoined twins and believes Obamacare is the ‘worst thing since slavery.’
Currently Marco Rubio is in third place, but I think that about-face on his own immigration bill will haunt him. Not to mention the clumsy water bottle grab.
I can’t stand Carly Fiorina because she’s a traitor on women’s health issues and makes up horrific shit on live TV to back herself up. She also reminds me of a boss who unjustly fired me and ended my career. But I’m pretty sure I hate her for the right reasons.
Jeb “The Smart One” Bush has been painfully awkward and unconvincing. Ted Cruz is just plain creepy. And the rest of them don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell. Which reminds me, not one of the remaining 14 Republican candidates gives a rip about climate change.
So why won’t 2016 be a sure thing for our side?
One reason is the gullible American voter who thinks he’s going to get rich like Donald Trump. Or believes running the government is like running a business. Or in Carly’s case, like running a business into the ground.
Also, we don’t have a strong candidate like 2008 Obama. And don’t get all excited about Joe Biden. I was at first, too, but then I had time to think about it. His positions for the War on Drugs, against federal funding for abortion and for going to war with Iraq are all big fucking deals. And that touchy, feely thing he does with women isn’t going to help him either. I am sorry for his recent grief, but I don’t think the third time’s going to be the charm for Uncle Joe.
Hillary’s email server doesn’t matter to me. And after seven investigations and 13 hearings on Benghazi, I’m satisfied she did nothing wrong there either. But I just don’t believe in her. Sure, if she’s the nominee, she’ll get my ballot. But I’d rather vote for somebody than against somebody else.
I feel the Bern. Sort of. No, I do. Bernie Sanders acknowledges climate change and has introduced legislation to address it. He fights for economic fairness, believes in education and wants free state college tuition. I really believe in Bernie, I just worry people are too hung up on the socialist thing.
And then there’s Jim Webb, Martin O’Malley, Lincoln . . .
Sorry for the buzz kill.
You know what? Let’s cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, how about we grab the popcorn, sit back and enjoy the clusterfuck that is the Republican Party.