I have nothing of value to tell you but this
Sometimes I amaze myself. Just when I think I can’t get any smarter — “BAM” — I get smarter! I never really know I’m getting smarter until I’m already smarter. Let me explain.
My brain began developing three weeks into my mother’s pregnancy, forming 100 billion neurons or nerve cells. My brain reached a lifetime peak by the time I was a fetus, five months old. During those first eight weeks, my brain, like all brains, followed the same developmental path. Then something happened, let’s call it testosterone, starts to marinate my boys’ brain. This hormone bath started killing cells in brain regions that promote communication and emotion, and promoted cell growth in my sex and aggression thingy, somewhere in my head or maybe my penis, I don’t know for sure. By the time I was born, I had male-type brain circuits.
The human brain uses roughly 12 watts of electricity (about as much as the bulb in your fridge), mostly to pass info between my little neuron thingys. It’s a power hog because my brain consumes 17 percent of my body’s total energy. This energy is useful when directed correctly.
My brain went astray.
My brain now tells me there is enough for everyone. We only have to realize and live by it. Most of my life I thought just the opposite. I thought there wasn’t enough for me. I had the belief that I always had to fight for my part in a limited world. I had no clue, and I could not see the abundant nature of reality.
I dwelt in the past, and dreamed about the future, but I never concentrated on the present. I didn’t know that peace comes from within and looked for it, always from without. There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to finding truth, and I forever made them both by not going all the way, and sometimes not starting at all.
I’m older now than I was. My body is getting weaker every day. In time, it will waste away and I will be gone. No one will see me so therefore, to most, I never existed. It’s sad but it’s true too. I will be gone except for these few lines that I write here today on this paper. Well, there’s no paper, but that’s not the point.
Like I said, I’m older now, so I guess I’m smarter too. At least, that’s the way it’s supposed to work. Anyway, being smarter now and writing at the same time, I guess I should say something smart because my brain is still working pretty good at this point. OK, here it comes:
At a certain point in my life I came to the realization that everything I’ve learned in my life that is of any value at all, I learned from a woman. Oh, there are things I learned from other men, but they were things like, survival, competition, greed, and how to get my own with the least amount of conflict.
Most men are raised in a home with parents and siblings, but I was not. It should be understandable that the knowledge of love and charity eluded me until later in life. In its stead, I learned to lie low, strike fast and hard, and then get back in line before the nuns saw me. Oh and I learned how to look innocent — at least I thought I did.
Life was not easy for a guy who cannot give or receive. You lack the ability to really see someone if you’re observing them as a tactical movement, never seeing them as a person. Never seeing them other than an object of whatever plot you’re on at the time. This frame of mind will keep you at a distance even with those closest to you.
OK, so at a certain point in my life, my woman tells me that she’s pregnant. This set me a-back because I didn’t know how to handle it or how she expected me to behave. It never dawned on me that someone would care enough about me to have my baby, so I thought she wanted a ride to the abortion clinic. That’s the way I have always thought. My frame of mind was twisted like a pretzel.
Now, some years later, I look upon my son and I thank God that my wife is her mother’s daughter. I am so thankful that she was never in an orphanage where she would have grown up like me, all alone. I thank God that she loves me.
You see, even with a big brain like mine and super intelligence, you have to experience something before you can see it for what it really is. My experience with love came midway through my life and for the life of me I don’t know why I never saw it before, because it was always right around me. It just never grabbed my attention and said, “Here I am!”
OK, so I might be dead now but you’re reading these words right now, as we speak. I have nothing of any value to tell you other than the fact that love does exist. It might be a little slow in finding you, but you can rush that along if you purposely seek it out and spread it around.
Just about everything that everyone will do in life is founded in love or the lack of it. Once you have it, you’ll feel its power and you’ll be in awe of its width and depth. Love never ends, and my big powerful brain is telling me right now that it should be that way.
Here is what I wish to give you, if you can get anything out of my life experience at all: I wish to give you LOVE.