• I sold sex… but apparently so has everyone else


    Dimitra Ekmektsis



    I am frequently asked whether I was sexually abused as a child, but none of the interviewers ever asked me a single question about economics or politics – my true motivations in my decision to work in the sex industry. I am writing this piece mostly to repay those interviewers.

    Most songs are about sex; advertisement is about sex. Sexy people get better paying jobs, have more friends and are in higher social demand. Even sexy politicians seem to beat the less sexy ones. Most celebrities are sexually attractive. Sexual images are everywhere. Everyone wants to have a fantastic sex life and is envious of those who have more sex, with sexier partners. Sex dominates our lives…

    Muslims, Orthodox Jews and evangelical Christians, on the other hand, are terrified of the power of sex and seek to eradicate any visible signs of it. Sex is supposed to be carried out shamefully, in the dark, in silence. Sex is turned from a natural and healthy activity into something unhealthy and perverted.

    Capitalism constantly uses sex appeal and titillation to sell things to the consumer society, yet many cultures treat sex as a taboo. Delicious objects, products and services, wrapped in the most gorgeous packaging, leap out at us from our TV screens. Capitalist advertising’s only function is to tantalize the consumer, so anyone living in a Judeo-Christian capitalist society is infected with a dangerous sexual ambivalence. We are literally salivating as we gaze at beautiful specimens of humanity, practically naked inviting us to buy God knows what. They tantalize us and then offer salvation — get out your credit card and buy these dreams we’re selling.

    We at all times hold in our heads contradictory messages about sex. We simultaneously lust after it and fear it. It’s “dirty,” yet people want as much of it as they can get. It’s not to be talked about and yet they talk about nothing else. Even when they’re not talking about it, they are.

    Sex drive (the Freudian term “libido”) is a form of mental energy. Hate, love, jealousy, envy, greed, lust, anger… all have their own mental energy. These instinctual energies manifest themselves in different strengths in each of us, but the energies are all linked and are traded off against each other. A person with a low libido might have a high “hate” energy, for example.

    Psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich, a disciple of Sigmund Freud who worked as a clinical assistant in Freud’s Psychoanalytic Polyclinic, thought it was possible to scientifically measure a person’s libido. Reich developed a theory that if sexual energy wasn’t released properly, it gave rise to neurosis and ultimately psychosis. Reich believed that an orgasm discharged libido fully, allowing it to flow through, and energize every part of the body. He regarded high quality orgasms a perquisite for mental health. In his opinion, suppressing instinctual drives of societal control was the cause of mental illness, not its remedy.

    His Orgasm Theory proclaimed: “Orgastic potency is the capacity for surrender to the flow of biological energy without any inhibition, the capacity for complete discharge of all dammed-up sexual excitation through involuntary pleasurable contractions of the body.” He also thought that conventional society was about the preservation of the power of the elite, which required natural instincts to be repressed so that people would be docile, submissive and in thrall of authority.

    He hated the prohibition on sex before marriage and the demand for monogamy. He thought these restrictions simply created more neuroses, ultimately leading to the breakdown of the marriage. He thought that marriage belonged to the political sphere. Whereas Freud cured individual psychoanalytical cases, Reich believed that cures were necessary on a mass scale, applied to the whole of society. He believed that inhibited sexual energy (libido) was redirected to violence and destruction (as suicide bombers demonstrate.) When people aren’t sexually satisfied, trouble will follow. Orgasm discharges pent-up energy in a healthy way, and in the absence of sexual release, it is discharged through other, sometimes destructive means. He then declared, incredibly, that you couldn’t have a political and economic revolution without a sexual revolution, and that authoritarian societies rely on what he called emotional cripples and the sexually repressed. The sexually contented were always more confident, had higher self-esteem and were much less receptive to authoritarian messages.

    It is no accident that all dictatorships are sexually repressive, and it is no accident that the authoritarian Muslim, Jewish and Christian religions despise and fear sex.

    Authoritarian regimes deliberately create “pleasure anxiety” to make people submissive (look at Islam in the present day). Reich argued that societies mass-produced this anxiety for their citizens, i.e. the sheeple are shaped by the same social forces and suffer from the same neuroses. This is done by a ruling class that takes active steps to ensure that the whole of society adapts its ideology. It uses advertising, religion, media and education to impose its paradigm. All dissenting voices are silenced, starved of any access to the public. Heresy is stamped out. Rebels and revolutionaries are jailed. Soon, the only voices you hear are those of the establishment, and to parrot the opinion of the ruling class becomes second nature.

    Muslims, Orthodox Jews and evangelical Christians support a primitive system of controlled, programmed responses. The whole point of the hundreds of rules, regulations and commandments that these religions impose on their followers is to ensure that their behavior is predictable. They create human automata that blindly obey but have no understanding of what and why they are obeying.

    In the name of control and order, these religions and the materialistic ideologies such as capitalism (the cult of consumerism) and science are attempting to prevent us from accessing our true selves.

    Sexual liberation is toxic to authoritarian systems. The elite decidedly control the sexual space and through that they control you. A free society needs to be sexually free – not just in name, but in deed. The main concern of a free society should be to promote the highest quality sex, and remove all of the restrictions and taboos imposed on sex. Sex is the antidote to authoritarianism. Sex subverts the controllers. A sexually fulfilled society will result in much less violence, aggression, depression, crime and war, and Reich’s work is genuinely pioneering and invaluable for reforming society. A world where everyone enjoyed great sex would be a transformed world. The famous slogan “make love not war” summed up Reich’s thinking. If you’re not making love, your life instinct (Eros) will transform into the death instinct (Thanatos) and will be unleashed in violence, hate and war.




    Dimitra Ekmektsis is a sex worker turned writer. Her books are “Confessions of a High-Priced Call Girl” and “Secret Confessions of a High-Priced Call Girl.” Dimitra was born in Greece, and grew up in Germany, before moving to the United States. Her next Erotica book, “Boys Don’t Cry,” will be released soon. She has lectured about human sexuality and authored articles on women’s issues for the Association Of World Citizens (AWC) a division of the United Nations in Geneva. She loves to write about sexuality and she loves trying to answer your questions — whether on how to spice up this “game for two” or how our bodies work. She also loves to rescue animals and read classic literature.

    Dimitra’s website: http://dimitras-confessions.com/home.html 

    Do you have a question about sex? Contact at Dimitra.un@gmail.com and on Twitter.


    • Very interesting treatise. I am not sure orthodox Jewish women believe sex is wrong but more for a purpose of having children. Look at their populations, they are doing it a lot. I think it might be that they want it kept in the bedroom where it is an enjoyable act and not shared with the public. But reserved for intimate time alone. Yes, there are some rules but mostly it is enjoyed as I am told. And of course children are their biggest blessings or so they think. 🙂 I think our country has always been sexually repressed due to the feeling of puritan ethics that started with the landing of the Mayflower. Europe is much more advanced that we are and always will be. We hide behind some puritan ethic which is truly not what we believe put what we purport to be for the rest of the world. Then when we are exposed we become hypocrites to the enth degree.

      • Madgew: aren’t the Orthodox Jewish women allowed to only show their natural hair to their husbands, and have to wear ill-fitting wigs when they dare to venture out in public? Many Muslim women assert that they will not leave their faith at the door when they go out in the morning, but that’s exactly where they should leave sectarian symbols. The public space is not their private space. It’s for everyone, and if they flaunt their extreme beliefs in the faces of those who don’t share their beliefs then they can have no cause for complaint when they get insulted. If they want tolerance, they need to behave tolerantly, respecting others and their rights to have NO respect for their beliefs. Millions of them are turning up in Europe now and they are threatening all the progress Europe has made, in regard to sex and equality. Europe may no longer be as advanced as you think, thanks to all the religious symbols out in the public space.

      • Matt Najmowicz

      • September 30, 2012 at 2:45 pm
      • Reply

      I wonder what it would take to have a sober conversation about sex in the United States. We might be a bit too Purtianical still in our collective conscious to do so, however, we really need to try. Also, this is really about economic necessity and politics, something else that falls upon mostly deaf ears. Thank you Dimitra!

      • Maya North

      • December 16, 2012 at 11:24 pm
      • Reply

      Beautifully written and hard to believe you did not start your life with the English language! (I speak 6 languages–5 of them acquired–so I know what this requires!) I always thought that the societal hatred of the erotic was essentially the hatred of women by men in power, and that if the erotic was openly celebrated (at least in adult venues), that our world would be transformed. Wiccans see sexuality as linked with the Divine Lifeforce, as opposed to the twisted yearnings of some of the conservative branches of so-called mainstream religions that call it foul even as they pursue it and at the same time seek to destroy it. Nicely said; nicely done! 🙂

      • Heather Alani

      • July 24, 2014 at 1:53 pm
      • Reply

      Incredible. I get it. I was raised christian and sex was taboo. I married a muslim man and he thinks I have some kind of freakish sexual nympho disorder because I blatantly love sex. I am missing the uh…lady like quality, I suppose? I asked him before what on earth would make him believe that a woman’s desires should be any less? I mean realistically a woman is like an energizer battery..She can go on and on and on…..We don’t have a timer. 😀 Great column!

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