I was a teenage Democrat
by Gary Huerta
For the last eight presidential elections, I’ve listened to numerous people define me as a bleeding heart liberal. But after hearing Mitt Romney babble on about how the 47% of Americans who do not pay income taxes will never vote Republican, I had a change of heart.
I never thought I’d be swayed away from the Democratic party. But the truth is, I really have nothing in common with those people. For years, I have wanted to do the right thing and care about better education and medical coverage for all, equal rights for gays and lesbians, the environment, a woman’s right to choose what she does with her own body, and finding a solution to make taxation more equal.
Now I can clearly see that none of this shit really has any impact upon me. I have only cared about these things because I thought it was the right thing to do.
That’s right. I said it. And I’ll proudly say it again. None of this shit has any impact on my life. Frankly, I’m better off as a Republican. All I get out of caring is a reputation as a person with some sort of moral compass. Who needs a moral compass when you’ve got a retirement account?
I’m with Mitt. Why worry about that freeloading 47% of the population that doesn’t pay income taxes? Those in that category include miscreants like the elderly, individuals earning less than $20,000 per year, and military personnel on active duty in war zones whose taxes are deferred. They can go suck it. Especially the military personnel. Why should they get a pass on income taxes? Aren’t they fighting for our rights to pay taxes? The saying is, “Death and taxes”. It isn’t, “Fighting to the death and taxes”. Mitt is right, these people are just looking for entitlements and a hand out.
Personally speaking, I can afford accountants to help me find the loopholes and reduce my personal taxes so I can rationalize paying my fair share. I don’t really give a damn whether the middle class gets overtaxed or if the poor can’t afford to find gaps in the tax codes. The truth is, I can. If they want those advantages, they should get themselves better jobs so they can pay for better accountants and figure out better ways to weasel their way out of some their fiscal responsibility. Just stop asking me to give a flying fuck while they can’t.
I don’t give a good God damn about gay rights. I’m not gay. I’m probably never going to be gay and so I don’t give a shit if they have the right to marry or not. It doesn’t affect me so why should I extend any empathy. Furthermore, I don’t really believe in marriage either, so caring about anyone’s right to marry, gay or not, is ludicrous. All that does is distract my precious attention away from things that matter most to me – like making sure my company meets its sales number so I can get 100% of my annual bonus.
I don’t have a vagina. And this time I can say with utter certainty that I am never going to have a vagina because I have a glorious penis. Whether or not the government wants to use invasive techniques for examinations and outlaw abortion under all circumstances could not have a smaller personal impact upon me. If my daughters are affected by those decisions, it won’t matter because they will most likely be legal adults when that happens and so it will be their issue to deal with and not mine. And I don’t care about any other women out there because – well, why should I? It’ll only cost me money and complicate my life if I have to think about the wellbeing of others.
And what do I care about improving education? I already have a college degree and I have enough money to pay for tutors if my kids aren’t getting enough out of school. Do I really need to spend whatever tax money I pay towards helping to educate the children of freeloaders who don’t pay taxes? Hell no! I’m raising my children and investing in their education. They should raise theirs and do the same.
I also have very good medical insurance. Why doesn’t everybody just get that at their work place? Do I need to say more about that? No.
As far as the environment goes, Mitt Romney made it clear that he is not running to help the environment. As he said, “I’m not here to slow the rise of the oceans or heal the planet, I’m in this race to help the American people.”
I’ve been thinking about that and I think, “Mitt is right. Screw the environment, help me first!”
Seriously. The environment will probably hold up for another 40 years before it cannot sustain human life. By that time, I will most likely be dead, so what do I care about investing money in the environment. Why do I want to preserve it for future generations? What have they done for me? It truly has no impact on me. So what if it’s a little warmer over the next few years. I can afford air conditioning. I have a pool. Freeloaders who don’t pay income tax can jump around in open fire hydrants or hang out in malls. They may not be able to afford anything while they are there, but at least they can sit in the cool air and get out of the heat.
I don’t exactly know what took me so long to realize where my priorities really lie. I need the government to stop spending my money helping complete strangers. I don’t need help so why should my government’s time, money and energy go to helping others?
If you want to care about other peoples’ freedoms and rights, the environment, education and all that other happy horse shit that doesn’t really have an impact on your life, vote with that bleeding heart of yours.
As far as the freeloaders are concerned, I think Marie Antoinette said it best. “Let them eat cake!” It worked out pretty good for her, didn’t it?