It’s Rapture Time Again!
by Hollye Dexter
There’s still time to get on the crazy bus!
Hey everybody – clean out your closets, get your taxes done, confess all your sins and get yourself saved because it’s that time again!
I know, I know…it seems like only yesterday we were all stocking up on batteries and bottled water for Y2K, and before that Haley’s Comet, and before that 1984…even David Bowie foretold of that one. Time sure flies. But yes, it is that time again, according to Harold Camping of Family Radio. Who is Harold Camping you ask? He’s some guy who a lot of people believe for no apparent reason. Oh sure, he predicted the end of the world in 1994, and of course that didn’t happen, but this time he’s positive. So positive that he’s swindled a lot of people out of a lot of money to put up 2000 billboards all over the country (advertising his radio show and website in the process, of course).
So, this is it people. Next Saturday, May 21st is the end of the world. I mean, if Harold Camping says so, it must be true, right? He’s got hundreds of people touring the country in buses with megaphones, so that means it’s for real. And you know, there’s been a lot of weird weather patterns and birds dropping out of the sky and earthquakes and tsunamis and…
Hey wait a minute. Haven’t we always had floods and earthquakes and tsunamis since the beginning of time? Why yes we have. The only thing that’s different now is that we have the internet and the media, letting us know the second something happens, so it seems like things are happening more than they used to. The violent crime rate is also down since the 1970’s – I’ll bet you didn’t know that either. The media just loves to whip people into a fearful frenzy to keep them tuned in, and that’s what Harold camping is…the media. He owns a Christian radio station. Can’t blame the guy, I mean, as a businessman, hell it’s been a tough couple of years, financially speaking. And what could be better for a ratings boost than a good ole “Rapture” campaign? You have to ask yourself, WWTD? (What Would Trump Do?)
Anyway, just wanted to let you all know what was up so you could mark your calendars. What are you guys wearing to the Rapture anyway? I’m having such a hard time choosing. Oh and on the outside chance that the world doesn’t end next Saturday, there’s gonna be a rockin’ worldwide party on Sunday. See ya there?
Actually, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that May 21 is not the end of the world. How do I know, you ask? Because there are three Oprah shows left on May, 23, 24 and 25. Now, had Camping said the world was ending on May 25th at 4 pm…I may have believed him.