• Jerk-off of the week 4/20/13 – sweet peppers

    My mother was nice enough to buy me a few polo shirts in colors I’d actually wear out for public consumption. This was a nice gray polo tee and now there is a vegetable massacre smeared all over the shirt.

    I decided to wear this tee on a Saturday afternoon to finally give it a nice first go-round. I believe the tee was clean for a whole two hours.

    My mother comes from shopping, and she usually hands me bags that go downstairs into the basement refrigerator. As I am putting cauliflower, carrots, mushrooms and red peppers in the fridge, there was this shady bastard of a sweet pepper bag that needed to be put away.
    I assume one of the peppers inside the bag was crushed, or even worse, was turning bad. I hadn’t noticed the pepper juice had spilled onto me until I notice a very pungent aroma of the sweet peppers.

    I thought to myself that these sweet peppers smelled pretty damn good. Then I realized why the peppers were so prominent in my olfactory nerves, the sweet pepper juice was all over my new shirt. My shirt looked like sweet peppers had ejaculated all over my chest which opened all sorts of deep-seated issues hidden inside me.

    Unbelievable.

    So, I’m speaking now directly to the sweet peppers. Sweet peppers, you are my jerkoff of the week. Thanks a lot for ruining a shirt I had planned on ruining with a ham sandwich with mustard later on tonight. I do prefer mustard jizz on my chest and was saving my polo tee’s food remnant virginity for that sandwich, thanks for nothing you son of a bitch.

    Sweet peppers, you are an unconscionable ball-breaker. I hope you catch a scorching case of the crabs.



    • You just crack me the hell up!!!!! 😀


      • Kelvin

      • April 22, 2013 at 1:02 pm
      • Reply

      Come on…you know you liked it.


      • Maya North

      • April 22, 2013 at 5:04 pm
      • Reply

      I despise peppers…



    • You asked for it bud, I’m gonna write a column about you. You’re a nut and I’m going to prove it to the WORLD! Prepare yourself and don’t try to flank me. You are the only guy that I know is crazier than me. I have to admit that this was very funny.



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