• author
    • Matthew Najmowicz

      Columnist
    • September 15, 2013 in Columnists

    Jerk-off of the Week: Anthony Weiner’s political career goes limp

    Get ready for pee pee jokes!

    Disgraced and former House of Representative Congressman Carlos Danger — I mean Anthony Weiner — has been shown the door in the New York City Mayoral race primaries, beaten by Mark de Blasio. 

    What can we say about Anthony Weiner?  Anthony has an impressive prick but is also a prick that New York City is no longer impressed with.  New York City erected pride as they gave Anthony Weiner the shaft.  Anthony Weiner pulled out of the mayoral race after losing in the Democratic primary.  Anthony Weiner had some stiff competition.  Anthony Weiner had performance anxiety.  Weiner fell flaccid to the potential voter.  Weiner was a dick. 

    My dear reader, these jokes just write themselves.

    It’s very telling what sort of fella Anthony Weiner was — he was an asshole that knew no bounds.  Mr Weiner had no congressional record really to speak of — he accomplished little to nothing.  The bulk of Mr Weiner’s career was a few speeches he delivered on the US Congressional floor and his TV interviews.  He was a favorite on MSNBC and was always gave a pretty good performance for his constituents.  He’s pretty much a TV social butterfly. 

    Name me a meaningful piece of legislation he wrote and brought to the floor, and I’ll send you a cookie.  Six months after this column is published I’ll still have a full box of sugar cookies.

    As to his sexting, personally I could care less.  Show me one guy that wouldn’t be doing the same thing in his position.  I know, there are men reading and thinking, “I’d never do that to my wife.”  Wait until younger women with half the problems are throwing themselves at you because you are powerful.   Being powerful is a very potent aphrodisiac. All of a sudden, looks and personality don’t matter.  Anthony Weiner was already an egomaniac coupled with him being a US Congressman. I’m surprised he went to work with any clothes on.  Odd thing was that he was just texting his junk, which is really a bizarre move.  So, he didn’t bang chicks?   He just whipped out his piece and showed people, and wrote a few texts that were provocative and lewd?

    In the world of cheating, I think punishment should be the equivalent of a $50 parking ticket.  Instead, the public outcry fucked him so hard his tits hit his face.  We are still Puritanical about sex (bangs head on desk, the one on my shoulders).  Not saying people shouldn’t boo him.  Still, this guy isn’t Ariel Castro.

    Why in the hell did he want to be New York City mayor?  Ego — something bigger than his (OK I will stop with those jokes.)  Power, fame, fortune (after- office favors are done for the right people).  Mr Weiner was looking for one of the best lottery tickets around — to be a popular politician in a major metropolis.  Luckily, New York City voters saw past the antics of this pathetic man and looked instead to Mr. de Blasio and his awesome family (not a joke, I think people would kill to have a family like his). 

    Anthony Weiner, you are an unconscionable ball breaker.  What else is there to say about your stupid ass?  I don’t even have anything else clever to say.  I’m sure we’ll have to see your stupid face on MSNBC or CNN, however, I sure as hell will not be watching.

    Goodbye, dickhead.



    • Isn’t Weiner just the most pathetic thing EVER??? You know what really freaks me out about him, though? His freakishly jutted jaw… I can’t stop looking at the way his huge pointy head is poised so far forward on that gristly, scrawny neck…. it’s like the back of his skull is sitting right on his spine… GAHHHH…. scary!



    • The interview with him on Lawrence O’Donnell show was priceless. See if you can find it on MSNBC.



      • I saw it live. WE WILL DO IT LIVE! Anyways, yeah Lawrence baited him and Weiner just fell for it. What a douche! Again, happy to see Weiner gone.



    • Clever. Irreverent. Funny. Always.



    • One institutional dickhead down, hundreds to go.



    Leave a Comment