• author
    • Matthew Najmowicz

      Columnist
    • November 18, 2014 in Columnists

    Jerk off of the week – people born to be right

    In an argument there are usually two types of people – those who are right and those who are BORN to be right.

    Sometimes a discussion, debate, or even an argument is an integral interplay between abstract ideas that together can create a synthesis, a hybrid of two opposing ideas – a compromise, if you will. There are important arguments about foreign policy, education, gun control, economics and the like.

    Then there are the lower level fun debates about what kind of chess opening do you like, favorite beer, did Los Angeles Dodger pitcher Clayton Kershaw deserve the National League MVP, who is a better rapper, what was Bill Murray’s funniest movie (Caddyshack), who is a better guitarist and so on.

    And then there are arguments that never should be. How many times have people had heartache over a misunderstanding? How many lovers break up over triviality? How many nations go to war over a misperceived slight or misinterpreted ideology? Too many. Yet, foolish pride, ego and the will to save face will propel people to defend their idiotic stances.

    Look at bands.

    Guns n’ Roses, Pink Floyd, Stone Temple Pilots and The Beatles have all broken up because of irreconcilable differences.  It’s much like a divorce or any breakup. A lot of these situations wouldn’t persist if one person could let their guard down slightly.

    Now, most of the time, when there is an argument, you could find fault within both parties. Even in an instance in which one person is absolutely right, the way in which an argument is presented can sometimes disarm the situation.

    The phrase charm and disarm is perhaps a policy the entire country should adopt, but like most of the country, I sometimes have a charm problem. Sometimes it’s truly how you say something that makes a person smile.

    Recently, a few people engaged me in discussions, which evolved into serious arguments – they are people who suffer from born to be right. In order to protect the identities of these people, I don’t wish to go into the nature and content of the arguments. Let’s just say this weekend I was carpet bombed with a barrage of idiotic arguments that I should’ve avoided at all costs.

    I like presenting my case thoroughly and precisely enough where a ninth grader can understand my position. It’s not to say the other person is dull or cannot follow me, although, rarely, that is the case. I am a blunt and straightforward person.  I care about people and I hope at the end of most conversations, people can feel my empathy for others, even with those who disagree with me. My skeleton doesn’t come with a single mean bone.

    A common phrase that came out of all their mouths was “oh, I didn’t know that” and after realizing the logical fallacy, misunderstanding, or just an assumption gone wrong, should’ve ended the argument. Like with most arguments, logic and sound reasoning doesn’t determine the outcome.

    It’s all about loud people who were born to be right.

    Don’t believe me? Just turn on cable news. Chris Matthews and Sean Hannity often go to a point where they just hammer the other person.  Whether they are right or wrong Chris Matthews gets loud and slobber comes flying out of his mouth and then Sean Hannity attempts to be snarky and sits there with a smirk, like a teacher’s pet.

    No one likes the teacher’s pet.

    Just make your argument and stay on topic, presume you might be incorrect and if you are wrong, just apologize and wish the other person a nice day. Don’t be the person who was born to be right. The person who was born to be right will change topics or often times when they are proven wrong, change the context of an argument from substance to style. A person’s pride might be hurt because you presented irrefutable evidence and instead attack you. It’s called ad hominem.

    It can be attacking a person’s tone of voice, it could be stereotyping, calling someone a Nazi, making fun of their weight, calling them old, or making a personal joke about them – these are all signs of a weak argument.

    My weekend was a marathon of dumb and weak arguments that, upon rigorous reflection, were a complete waste of my time. I wanted to write, watch the Patriots’ game and basketball, and work on my chess game. Instead, life broke my balls and brought forth people born to be right.

    People who were born to be right are usually wrong and should be put in 21 day quarantine like they have Ebola. They should have to forced on a vegan diet. They should have to eat a week full of meals at Chili’s. They should have to live with their clones for a month. They should have to read George W. Bush’s memoirs. They should suck the socks of an NBA player right after a game.

    Suck on Kobe Bryant’s socks, apologize and move on with your life.

    People who were born to be right, you are all unconscionable ball breakers. You all need a drink. You all need to have some fun in your life instead of looking for a fight with me – a fight you will most likely not win.


      • Hannah Sullivan

      • November 18, 2014 at 7:41 pm
      • Reply

      I’m guilty of not admitting when I am wrong. Oppsie 😉



    • I’m never wrong! I’m never right either. I’m sort of a middle of the road guy.



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