• author
    • Matthew Najmowicz

      Columnist
    • September 26, 2013 in Columnists

    Jerk-off of the week: Ted Cruz and his filibuster

    Ted Cruz.  Twenty-one hours later and he still won’t shut the fuck up.

    Republican US Senator from Texas Ted Cruz talked about wrestling, did a Darth Vader impression, read “Green Eggs and Ham,” discussed the movie “Freddy Versus Jason,” and talked about America being on the march to German National Socialism aka The Nazi Party.

    On and on he went.  He talked his insane gibberish to the delight of the Tea Party and tin foil hat crowd.  I apologize for the tautology.

    Senator Cruz talked about how the Affordable Care Act was going to kill jobs.  Businesses like Walmart, McDonald’s, Lowe’s, GMC Motors and so on cannot afford to keep full-time workers and pay their benefits.  To Ted Cruz, Obamacare is a job-killing bill.  The sequester was another job-killing thing, and Cruz happily signed along with his Republican brethren.  He wants to stop Obamacare because it kills jobs, which Ted Cruz has already done.

    Listen, Ted Cruz is fighting for freedom and liberty.  Let’s not boo him altogether so quickly.  He proposed a solution: Let’s reform the free market.  The Affordable Care Act is a reform to the free market you dumbass.  You are signing onto HMO provided healthcare, not some sort of single-payer system like Canada and England uses (two wastelands).  Obamacare is still the free market.  Yay Capitalism!

    Let’s put on our collective thinking caps and critically think about why Ted Cruz would stand there for 21 hours and speak his mind on Obamacare.  I’ll give you a clue — he hurried up and did media appearances all day.  He hurried up and went on Rush Limbaugh.  Hmmm, maybe Senator Cruz is looking towards 2016?  If that was your answer, I’ll send you a freshly baked cookie.

    If Senator Cruz honestly feels that Obamacare is a bad deal, then more power to his crusade.  Allow me to surprise you — I, along with Ted Cruz, do not like Obamacare.

    Whoa, what?!

    Medicare for all.  I’ll wait for everyone to stop heavy-breathing.  All we could’ve done was to get rid of the age requirement for Medicare.

    Done!  When is lunch?

    Two things we like about the Affordable Care Act: getting rid of pre-existing conditions and you don’t lose your insurance because you lose your job.  There is a ton to dislike.  Mostly I dislike the principle that the free-market can cure all that ills us.  Ask people who have had catastrophic care without the money to pay for the medical bills.  Ask people who keep working in pain, suffering, or just the fear that if they slip and fall on the ice outside, they can’t get help and cannot work anymore.

    I almost want to applaud the guy, almost.

    Instead, Ted Cruz is a fear contortionist.  He is the worst type of circus freak.  He is excellent at presenting rhetorical arguments that can convince people that drinking sand is better than drinking the water.  Water has fluoride — the government puts that evil chemical into the water supply!  Government tells you what to do.  Government is watching you.  Government wants to abort your children.  Government listens to you.  Government.  Government?  GOVERNMENT?!

    Senator Ted Cruz will tell you that government is the reason for all your problems.  Government is why you don’t get a raise.  Government is why you can’t get a job.  Government is the problem.  The solution: slash and burn.  Destroy the government and make it so inept to handle anything that we look like a scene out of “Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome” — without the hotties like Tina Turner.

    Ted Cruz inflates Obamacare into a fire-breathing dragon, and he gets into his creepy armor to slay the same dragon he created.  It’s worse than fighting windmills.  Wait — if Cruz is pro-Capitalism he is pro-windmills, right?  Maybe he is also pro-creating problems that do not exist, scaring the hell out of everyone, and then pretending to fight against the beast he just unleashed upon the same people he swore to protect.  You know who else scapegoated things to confuse the truth to the people?

    Adolph Hitler.

    Ted Cruz, you are an unconscionable ballbreaker.  Actually, your political theater is just unconscionable.  You stood there for 21 hours and said absolutely nothing.

     

     

     



    • Exactly: political theatre! This was spot on. What is sad is that I’m not sure how many cookies you will actually need to bake and send since most do not understand or will not admit it.



    • I love how he knows that Obamacare is awful and it has not rolled out yet. Besides the prices are so much lower than anyone predicted. Roll out Tuesday and I am all for it.


      • Maya North

      • September 27, 2013 at 8:43 pm
      • Reply

      Nailed it again, Matt. And no, what we’re getting is definitely not perfect, but it’s a start. Get it in there and perfect it, that’s my motto!



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