• Jerk-off of the Week: the guy who married a dominatrix

    I’m watching VH-1 — a show called “I Am Married to a…” comes on, and it’s a certifiable freak show. 

    The episode involving a guy married to two strippers in a polyamorous relationship/marriage didn’t bother me, the other guy who was married to a transsexual and also did online pornography with the male to female partner didn’t bother me either, but the guy who was married to a dominatrix really bothered me. 

    My logic may surprise you.

    Let’s get the obvious out of the way, BDSM (bondage sadomasochism) doesn’t bother me. I am pro-BDSM.  The kink isn’t the problem.  Neither is being married to a kinky person.  If I were married to a dominatrix, I wouldn’t have a single problem. 

    The man in the show who married a dominatrix is named Brian.  We don’t know too much about him asides the fact that he works in Las Vegas and has some sort of charmed life filled with money and splendor. Good for him.  Apparently, Brian met a lady named Allison and was instantly smitten.  So far so good.  They get married — still no issue.  

    Allison is about half the age of Brian.  I personally don’t have too much of an issue with the idea of relationships with age gaps.  My dad was 22 and my mom was 31 when they married.  Age is only a number after about 25 years of age, so shame on Mom. (Women are always wrong!)

    Brian had a child with a previous girlfriend or wife and is two years younger than the new wife.  OK, it’s slightly creepy but that’s their business.

    What is my issue?  Brian wanted to tell his daughter that his wife is a professional dominatrix.

    Professional dominatrixes usually do not have sex with their clients.  They usually get paid by men just to physically inflict pain and humiliate them.  Usually, the clients are very well off and powerful people who are looking for some sort of physical release — it’s sort of a therapy for them.

    My issue isn’t that  Allison is a dominatrix. My issue is that Brian felt like he had to be “totally open and upfront” with his daughter.  Ixnay on the totally open with aughterday.

    This is shoddy yet abundant Baby Boomer/Gen X’er logic (he is Baby Boomer age) where every parent feels like they need to be pals with their children.  If you wanted a friend, go make a friend.  Why are you telling kids things that are atypically and inherently inappropriate?

    “Matt you’re such a prude!  I told my son that I give my wife anal with another guy filming us.”

    Yeah, that’s why your kid is going to be a crystal meth junky doing porn with that filmmaker when he’s 17.  It’s OK to have a bit of a filter when talking to your kids.  This is coming from ME — the guy who barely has any filter.

    I’m not saying don’t talk about sex or the weird job you might have — just pick your spots better.

    Guy who is married to a dominatrix, you are an unconscionable ball breaker.  Congratulations!  You hit the poontang lottery when you married a much younger woman with big cans. You are a hero to many men.  Just try not fucking up your daughter’s life too much. 

    P.S.  Brian, get rid of that soul patch and dress age appropriate.  You are 56 years old and you shouldn’t be dressing like you are a 24-year-old douchebag. Dress like a 56-year-old douchebag.



    • Matt, you believe this shit is real? Not for a minute. All scripted.


      • Theresa

      • June 6, 2013 at 1:56 pm
      • Reply

      I really, really agree. While I believe in being honest with my kids, I also believe that their innocence is something to cherish and preserve to the best of my ability. They’ll lose it soon enough. I don’t need to speed the process along. I’m all about gifting children with knowledge, but telling them that their step mom is a dominatrix isn’t exactly the brand of knowledge parenting calls for, in my opinion.


      • Maya North

      • June 9, 2013 at 1:43 pm
      • Reply

      I agree, too! Kiddos need to be kiddos even when they aren’t. Mind you, my daughter and I are less than 20 years apart and she’s a real, live grownup, but there are details of things she will *never* know. On the other hand, my edited honesty is part of why I believe that she and my beloved stepdaughter at least had some of the idea the risk they were taking when they hit their teen years. This crap? No. The kid has no need to know any of this. Daddy needs to grow the BLEEP up. I don’t dress like what some people think people my age should, and I like soul patches on any guy (and probably some women), but saggy pants, naked bellies, etc. Er….no.


      • Heather Alani

      • March 15, 2014 at 10:49 am
      • Reply

      Idiots are idiots, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, a dumb ass is a dumb ass. People at different ages can relate because they sit in the same plane of existence. Whatever that plane may be. People love dirt…We are pretty dirty creatures. “Kind of why I read dominatrix and clicked on the link” Thanks for always perking our dirty sides, Matt. 😀


      • Lauren

      • July 24, 2016 at 11:55 pm
      • Reply

      Hahahhaha a friend of mine just found this.I know it’s late,but I am the daughter in question. This show is completely scripted, as is every other show on the network. I had known about Allisons profession since the first time my dad told me about her. Also my dad isn’t rich, that wasn’t even his house. TV IS FAKE! Find something more important to criticize haha.



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