• author
    • Matthew Najmowicz

      Columnist
    • August 7, 2014 in Columnists

    Jerk-off of the week: the treatment of refugee children on the southern border

    Fifty-seven thousand children, little children, have left their homes and made the dangerous journey from Central America, through Mexico, and to the US southern border.  Things are so bad in Central America that parents have given instructions to their children to flee to America.

    What was Congress’s response to the humanitarian border crisis?  Let’s go on summer break!  Yes, it’s time to put on some suntan lotion, go to your home state, fundraise for yourself and others, kick back, and drink a few cold brews!

    Congress’s approval numbers are in the single digits.  Why?  It seems the Republican-led House is only interested in trying to repeal Obamacare a couple dozen times.  Then the latest political trick is to sue the President of the United States for not fully implementing Obamacare.

    This is your tax money hard at work.

    President Obama wanted six billion dollars to fund agencies that are already overwhelmed with the border crisis.  The fiscally responsible Tea Party Congress managed to cut that request down to a cool 600 million dollars.

    Hey, times are tough.  We need to keep spending money on drones and ordering the CIA to snoop in on Congress.  We need giant computer facilities so we can read your steamy emails of lust and passion.  Billions of dollars to read sex emails ordinary people are sending to one another.

    Kids?  They aren’t mine, they aren’t American and they aren’t my problem.  Sorry, my body was taken over by the ghost of a recently deceased Baby-Boomer who thinks America is falling apart.  Where is my country?

    Well, I know where the government is: on a cot in a very warm place filled with sand, young women and coconut flavored drinks.

    Louie Gohmert, one of my favorite Congressmen, actually proposed putting soldiers on the border to “scare away” the children.  Oh those soldiers wouldn’t shoot and kill the kids.  We would use US Marines like scarecrows.  The entire Tea Party could just hide behind a tree and scare those kids so they’d go back to their home of origin.

    You know what the Tea Party should do? I think this is a great idea.  Since they’ll be standing in Texas with that red hot sun, they should put white sheets over their bodies.  I only mention this because the sun is so hot, they could get sunburned.  They could wear those sheets all day and then at night they could take a giant “T” and light it on fire so they can see.  The kids could see those flaming T’s and realize that America simply can’t help them.

    The “T” must stand for Tea Party, right?

    If only those kids were CEOs and corporations. They’d be treated like people.


      • Maya North

      • August 7, 2014 at 7:37 pm
      • Reply

      Stinnnnggg!!! Right on the money!



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