Keep your nose out of my uterus
Still obsessed with the female nether regions, Republicans passed the “Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act” in the House by a vote of 228 to 196. I have to ask who the heck is naming these bills? I think the geniuses at OPI nail polish should take over. How about “Peachy Baby Life Act?”
The bill, which bans abortions at 20 weeks, was sponsored by Arizona Representative Trent Frank, who apparently aborted his brain. Frank said we did not need the Democratic-proposed exception for rape and incest because “the incident of rape resulting in pregnancy is very low.” Mr. Frank obviously subscribes to former Senate candidate Todd Akin’s theory of a tiny force field we gals can shoot out of our ovaries when we are being legitimately raped.
But somebody in the party hopped onto Wikipedia and discovered that every year over 30,000 God-intended rape babies are born. So they quietly added the provision and asked Tennessee Representative Marsha Blackburn to step in to lead the debate and sell out her sisters in this fight.
It’s not expected to pass the Senate. If it does, President Obama smells veto.
But crazy doesn’t stop there.
Last week, the Wisconsin State Senate Republicans ramrodded a bill mandating ultrasounds for women seeking abortions. “The Rachel Maddow Show” aired a clip of screaming Senate President Mike Ellis, who seemed to have been bitten by a rabid badger just moments earlier. That bill’s author, Mary Lazich, said of abortion, “It became popular in the ’60s and it was almost the thing to do. You needed to get one to be a woman.”
Where was that tiny force field during little Mary’s conception??
Wisconsin joins nine other states in forcing unwanted ultrasounds on women seeking abortions. The physician or technician will describe the heartbeat and physical characteristics of the fetus to the woman. But she won’t be forced to look. Really? You won’t hold her head and tape open her eyes? You won’t plug her nose until she takes a peek? You won’t waterboard her? Are we supposed to be thankful for that?
Listen, nobody wants an abortion. Not at 20 weeks. Not at four weeks. Not ever. It’s a difficult, sad, awful decision. It’s a last resort. Women having abortions are not the sex-crazed college sluts Rush Limbaugh wants to watch during the act. They are students who made a mistake, wives who can’t afford another mouth to feed and women who want this baby more than anything, but decide not to bring a disabled child into the world.
But these mostly white, male Republicans feel they know what’s best for pregnant women. They care so, so much for their unborn babies. Even at the tadpole stage, some want it to be considered a person.
The truth is, once that baby is born, it’s buh-bye kid. Congress’ job is done and it’s all up to your struggling mother. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a struggling father, too. Head Start? Cut. Heating Assistance? Cut. Forty-seven percent? Who cares? You see, it was never really about you.
It’s about control. No not birth control, silly. The GOP has no interest in preventing pregnancies. It’s about good old fashioned keeping ‘em barefoot and pregnant and out of their way. It’s the only thing that makes sense in this entire argument. Because if these guys were truly pro-life, how could some of them also be pro-capital punishment? How could they sleep at night knowing one in four children go to bed hungry in this country?
No, it’s not about the sanctity of human life. It’s about the changing role of women in society. It’s about losing out on a promotion to a woman. It’s about not being the bread-winner and not being in charge. Equal pay for equal work scares the bejesus out of these guys. We’re certainly not there yet, but apparently 77 cents to the male’s dollar has them running scared.
So while they are nosing around in our lady parts, we are getting more educated, bringing home more bacon, learning to lead, gaining more confidence and figuring out what makes us happy. We’re leaning in, pal. Get over it.