• author
    • Donald Sanders

    • March 31, 2016 in Columnists

    What kids need now are role models!

    Remember way back in the 60s when that Abby Hoffman guy made the big speech in Washington D. C.? I think he dropped the “F” bomb about two dozen times in what was essentially a very short statement about how the Vietnam War needed to end. Even with a vocabulary as restricted as his was at the time, that “F Bomb Speech” made him famous enough to make his name a household word around the world.

    Another famous guy from about that era was the fellow caught in the picture giving the cops the finger at the 1968 Democratic Convention in Chicago, Illinois. (By the way, since you pronounce “Illinoy” like this, why do we have to spell it like “Illinois?”) I wonder whatever happened to that guy when the cops got done beating his ass. I heard he walked sideways for the rest of his life and because one leg was longer than the other he sometimes walked in a spiral to get where he was going.
    Now that I think about it, everybody in our generation thought we were going to change the world. We were going to “F— the man!” We were going to have world peace, have flying cars and by this point in time, all of humanity was going to be Black with Asian eyes because genetically those traits are dominant. I don’t know what the hell happened with that because half of us are Gingers now and the other half are mad as hell and swarming like a bunch of bees.

    The first half are afraid to go out on the street after dark because the “Man” is taking everybody out if you roam the streets after dark. The “Man” is good at what he does and if we ever have another war, I think we need to send the “Man” over to fight it, because those guys can kill a man dead in like 10 seconds. Not only is he dead, but he has like a hundred holes in him and then they will put handcuffs on his dead body. I think that’s kinda harsh to kill a guy dead and then arrest him for running away and leaving the scene of his own death.

    By now you must be thinking, “What the hell is this Sanders guy trying to convey with all this reminiscing about the past?” Well I’m not rightly sure what I’m trying to say other than at one point we thought we could change the world through protest, demonstration and nasty gestures at the “Man.” Well, I’m afraid we dropped the ball with all the change. The beautiful world we were going to provide our children turned out to be something entirely different and not so tidy as we would like to imagine. Today’s kids won’t turn off the video games long enough to help with the dishes or mow the grass.

    Today’s children don’t have anyone to inspire them to move on to bigger and better things like we did when we were young. We had John Wayne, the Lone Ranger, Superman and Batman. What today’s children need is someone to look up to and use as a role model. I know it’s hard to imagine, but I know three fellas living right here in this area who are perfect. I’m talking about John Pickerel of Buckhorn Steakhouse fame, Rick Fowler of the Solano County Water Agency and me the volunteer-writer-genius type guy.

    I’ll tell you why I feel we would be such good role models for children. Here is the text of several messages the three of us sent to each other tonight:

    John Pickerel: “Just got finished fishing the John Deere out of the creek that went over the waterfall.” “It got caught in a big release from the dam that came at me!” (There was no big release – he just drove it over the falls!)

    Rick Fowler: “Yeah, John found out that his John Deere floats like a boat!”

    Donald Sanders: “Hey, I wonder if it can fly?”

    Rick Fowler: “We should put a chopper blade on it and make it a John Deere Flopterchopter!”

    Donald Sanders: “Ya, a Pickerelfloptercopter!”

    Another reason we’re good role models for children is because Rick Fowler says he owns Putah Creek, John Pickerel serves the best steak in the world and I do everything else. I don’t know what everybody else does around Winters, California, except Tony Morales rides around in a golf cart all day and I don’t know what Herb Wimmer does but they always catch me when I sneak onto their land. I think maybe they have some Navy Seal experience. I guess they could be role models, too. After me of course.

    This is the order role models come in:

    1. Rick Fowler
    2. John Pickerel
    3. Donald Sanders
    4. Tony Morales
    5. Herb Wimmer

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