• author
    • Hannah Sullivan

    • May 8, 2013 in Columnists

    Learning to take my own advice

    When a girl’s going through a breakup, her girlfriends are the best therapists she could ever ask for. They always know exactly what and how to say something to make you think twice about texting your ex for the fifth time that day. When the tables are turned and we are the ones giving the advice, are we really taking our own advice or are we just telling our friends what they need and want to hear?

    The realization of not taking my own advice hit me while I was driving around with my 15-year-old cousin. She was telling me all the latest boy gossip and the daily struggle of being a single, teenaged high school girl. When she told me about a certain boy and how he acts towards her, I told her exactly what I thought: Any boy who is going to put you on the back burner and keep you around until he suddenly doesn’t need you anymore doesn’t deserve the time of day from you.

    Why would I tell my cousin this when I, myself, am letting a recent ex do this to me?

    How pathetic, right? I can’t get over my own ex, but I’m telling my cousin to get over this boy like he’s nothing to her. Obviously he meant something to her if she’s this frazzled about it, and my ex meant something to me. I was so dedicated and hopeful that we’d make it past this speed bump that I allowed myself to be put on the back burner — meanwhile, he was out there making an online dating profile (Don’t ask me how I found out — I’m just a detective like that). It’s easier to tell my cousin to do all these things to make her happy than it is for me to actually do them myself.

    When my ex broke up with me, my best friend told me to cut all ties with him and sort out my feelings. I didn’t listen, and I really wish I did. I believe that staying in contact with him ruined any chance of us getting back together. At the time, it seemed like a good idea but looking back now, it gave him all the power. I was letting him make me feel bad and like I didn’t even try. Now, why would I let someone else make me feel a certain way without my consent? No one can make you feel a certain way unless you let them.

    After spending the day with my cousin and thinking about the advice my friend gave me, I came to this conclusion: If I saw a friend acting how like I have been during my recent breakup, I’d never allow her to do what I have done. I’d never let her put up with being the backup plan. In the future, I’ll give myself the advice I would give a friend if she were in my shoes — and why wouldn’t I? I deserve the best, and any advice that’s good enough for a friend is good enough for me.

    • Congratulations Hannah! Well done!

        • Hannah Sullivan

        • May 8, 2013 at 4:30 pm
        • Reply

        Thank you Matt 😀

      • Maya North

      • May 9, 2013 at 8:47 am
      • Reply

      I haven’t met too many women who don’t hang on for a while to our exes. I did, my daughter did. Sadly, many men, once they’ve made up their minds, cut us out of their hearts completely, with the consequences you experienced. It’s normal; don’t beat yourself up about it. Great column and welcome to iPinion! 😀

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