• author
    • Debra DeAngelo

      Columnist
    • January 29, 2016 in Columnists

    Neither Sarah Palin nor Megyn Kelly could get Trump out of this fine mess

    You will recall that last week, I proposed that Donald Trump unleashed the Pandora’s box of nasty, half-witted gobbledy gook we’ve all come to know and loathe as Sara Palin because this whole presidential campaign thing has gotten way out of control, and the last thing Trump actually wants is the weighty responsibility that comes with the presidency, and Palin was his campaign suicide pill.

    Sadly, it failed. Trump’s numbers continued to climb. Even aligning himself with the biggest, bitchiest bubblehead in all of politics scathed him not. The man is made of Teflon. Even Trump was astounded that the ploy didn’t work, and commented last week that he could point a gun at someone and shoot them, and his numbers wouldn’t drop. The only thing more outrageous than that statement is that it’s probably true.

    So, Mr. Tribblehead, he thunk and he thunk about how he could get himself out of this fine mess he created and get back to doing what he does best — producing crap TV shows and beauty pageants while he dry-humps his huge piles of money — and he landed on the perfect plan: I’ll give the middle finger to Fox News.

    And he did.

    No Republican candidate crosses Fox News and lives to tell. Fox is to the Republican party as oxygen is to our lungs. Republican candidates pander shamelessly to Fox because that’s where their aging, angry, lily-white base suckles its mother’s milk of misinformation, hatred and fear from the crusty old teat of Roger Ailes.

    Did that visual give you the heebie jeebies? It should. And so should Fox News. Let that disturbing visual serve as a bit of neurolinguistic programming to dissuade you from subjecting your brain to that pool of bilge.

    No Republican gets elected president without French kissing Fox News. Trump knows this. Maybe the Palin ploy didn’t work, but cutting ties with Fox News should be political hara-kiri. So, in an ostentatious display of a grotesque lack of presidential character, Trump refused to participate in a debate moderated by Fox’s prickly princess, Megyn Kelly. He showed us that he could be intimidated by this one little cranky, skinny blond chick with an attitude and a perpetual facial expression like she just smelled something stinky, and therefore (pay attention, people!) — therefore — he couldn’t possibly stand up to Vladimir Putin or Kim Jong-un.

    Or did he.

    That’s what he’d like us to believe.

    Crazy like a, well, umm… fox.

    To further seal his own political doom, Trump disrespected Fox even further by throwing his own party right down the street at the same time as Thursday’s Republican debate aired, directly impacting their ratings and therefore their profits. And it worked.

    Although the Jan. 28 debate got higher ratings (12.5 million as compared to the Trump Show’s 2.7 million, according to CNN), it yielded the second lowest ratings of the season. Ratings for Republican debates soared as high as 25 million, and when? When Trump was there, of course. Trump’s absence cut Fox’s viewership, and profits, in half. Now he’s really got old Roger’s tights in a twist.

    Oh yeah — shit just got real. The Clash of the Titans is on.

    So, did it work? Was Trump finally free of the nightmare of his own creation? Nope. A quick scan of the usual TV talkers revealed that Trump is still comfortably in the lead, and his supporters, rather than being turned off by his petulance and immaturity, reframed his little hissyfit as a show of strength against the political establishment.

    What’s a megalomaniac to do.

    His supporters just won’t let go. The only way he might shake them off would be to do something so sick and depraved that no one with a human soul could endorse it, like eating the raw brain from a live puppy. Even then, it might not work, because this whole charade isn’t even about supporting Trump. It’s about sending a message to Congress: We fucking hate you guys. A Trump presidency is a second Revolution, without all the blood and guts to mop up.

    The only hope for derailing the Trump train is if people remember that grandiose promises made during a presidential campaign don’t add up to actual results in Congress. My proof? Barack Obama. He was Mr. Hope and Change, and he was a super hero to his supporters, but at the end of the day, he was just one man facing the relentless congressional Republican phalanx, beating their breastplates with their swords and shouting NO NO NO in unison.

    One man, no matter how charismatic or determined or gifted or beloved, cannot change Congress. The only way to change Congress is to change Congress. When it come to actual change, Congressional seats are more important than the one in the Oval Office.

    If Obama couldn’t change Congress, no one can. Electing someone who makes all sorts of grand promises, from a wall along the Mexican border to free college for everyone, is pure folly. Sorry to throw Bernie under the bus too, but we need a reality check here: If you’re backing a candidate because he’s promising you a pony, you’ll be sorely disappointed. Better to support a candidate who knows how to ride that pony, with whips and spurs.

    Hello, Hillary.

    Who rides on the R side? Ummm… I got nothin’. Kasich, maybe? At least he’s not despicable, or ridiculous.

    Eh, but what does it matter. I predict we’ll all have to learn to say “President Trump” without gagging. But at least he’ll accomplish something amazing from the get-go: Congressional Republicans and Democrats will work in unison to thwart him. Think of that: All of Congress, working together for the greater good of all. A miracle!

    As for you, Mr. Trump, there’s no way out. This time next year, you’ll be moving into the White House. There’s nothing you can do to stop it. Except maybe to pour some A-1 on a tiny puppy’s skull and dig in.

     

     

     



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