• Of blow jobs and jobs

    by Kelvin Wade

    She was still sleeping when I awoke. She looked adorable as she slept on her side facing me with her bare breasts sandwiched atop each other. I pulled the blanket up over her shoulders to keep her warm, kissed her forehead and got up and got dressed. I slipped out the door of her apartment, drove across town to my place and picked up the morning paper before going inside. Once I’d had a cup of coffee, I called my girlfriend in Colorado.

    It was nearly 20 years ago that while I had an out of state, long distance relationship with a woman in Colorado, I was having an affair with a reader of my newspaper column. And that affair didn’t affect my writing one bit.

    I’m sure the talking heads on the Sunday shows will be talking about the retired General David Petraeus’ affair with Paula Broadwell, along with General John Allen’s thousands of flirtatious emails with Jill Kelley. And they might mention FBI agent Frederick W. Humphries and his role in this. The media seems shocked that men in sensitive positions would have cheesy affairs.

    Why should anyone be surprised? Even bubbleheaded televangelist Pat Robertson said this past week, “The man’s off in a foreign land and he’s lonely and here’s a good looking lady throwing herself at him. I mean, he’s a man.”

    During the ’90s, certain media types and right wing purists acted as though President Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky invented the blowjob. Handwringers were in full effect asking how a president could do such a thing. I wasn’t shocked by Clinton’s affair at all (save for footnote 220 in Ken Starr’s official report that reported Monica Lewinsky gave the 42nd president a rim job. Did we really need to know that?)

    I just finished reading a book called “Once Upon A Secret” by Mimi Alford. Alford was a 19-year-old White House intern who had an 18-month affair with JFK.

    She writes that JFK had her perform oral sex on a friend of his while he watched and tried to get her to “take care of” little brother Teddy, which she refused. Kennedy was a rich, entitled hound to be sure but people don’t tend to hold it against his presidency.

    We’re just not shocked by political affairs. When you think of politicians known to have had extramarital affairs you end up with a monstrously long list, including Thomas Jefferson, FDR, Ike, LBJ, Vice President Al Gore, Sen. John Edwards, Sen. Ted Kennedy, Sen. John Ensign, Dem. Presidential candidate Rev. Jesse Jackson, Rep. Newt Gingrich, Rep. Gary Condit, Rep. Robert Livingston, Rep. Bob Barr, Rep. Dan Burton, Sen. Gary Hart, Sen. David Vitter, Sen. Charles Robb, NJ Gov. Jim McGreevey, NY Gov. Elliot Spitzer, NY Gov. David Paterson, CA Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, SC Gov. Mark Sanford, NY Mayor Rudy Giuliani, LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, and SF Mayor Gavin Newsom to name the most prominent.

    This doesn’t include the many other televangelists, celebrities and notable people who have had well-publicized extramarital affairs.

    Affairs among the powerful don’t shock us because plenty of us have engaged in them and/or felt the sting of betrayal from the other side of them. Or we have friends who have cheated or have been cheated on.

    The worst kept secret among my friends is that one of my friends carried on a multiple year affair with another friend’s mother! The guy’s mother came on to me and I politely declined. It’s a crazy situation but I doubt it’s unique.

    Outside of survival/eating, the sexual urge is probably the strongest biological urge there is in humans. Again and again, we see otherwise smart and capable people send their careers and relationships up in smoke in pursuit of orgasms with someone else.

    I’m not absolving people of their infidelity. Anyone who has been cheated on knows the pain and heartache of that situation. We know that infidelity has resulted in murder since the dawn of man. So I’m not taking it lightly. Hopefully we live and we learn and make better choices and treat people better.

    So I’m not arguing that cheating is right or excusable. I’m saying that it is a frequent feature of the human experience when it comes to relationships. No, not everyone cheats. But a large number of people do at some point.

    Does it mean you should lose your job? Republicans were furious when Democrats brushed aside Bill Clinton’s fling with Monica Lewinsky. No one could say that the sex acts harmed his job performance. And while presidential critics, a good number of whom were having their own affairs, shouted that it was about lying under oath, Americans yawned. Of course people lie about affairs. Duh!

    Susan Adams argues in a piece in Forbes Magazine that Petraeus should not have resigned. He broke no law. He wasn’t in danger of being blackmailed since when asked about the affair, he readily admitted it. She argues he may have been guilty of being a lousy husband but history is replete with great leaders who were lousy husbands. Isn’t the person he’s harmed his wife and family?

    If an investigation clears a leader of blackmail fears and shows that his/her actions haven’t harmed their job performance, should we leave affairs of the heart out of their job performance evaluation? Is it our business who people sleep with? What if a politician has an open marriage? What if their spouse deliberately looks the other way? Even if we think someone is a lout for cheating on their spouse, do we take out that disgust on their job? If they’re a politician shouldn’t it be up to their voters if they stay or go?

    Are we being puritanical or hypocritical?


      • Carolyn

      • November 18, 2012 at 1:17 pm
      • Reply

      Totally agree with you Kelvin.



    • I would have done Clinton if I was given the opportunity. Poor Monica she never recovered from this. The public treated her much worse than Clinton. He was a cheater from way back so I would have given the opportunity. Obama, not unless it came out he was a cheater. I would like to think that women can control this if the sisterhood became more powerful than the opportunity.


      • Gary

      • November 19, 2012 at 9:46 pm
      • Reply

      Excellent point made. Also important to note that starfucking is one of the world’s most well documented pastimes throughout history. Fame and power equals sex. Always has. Most likely always will. A few resist the temptation. My guess is more succomb to it and some get caught.



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