• author
    • Donald Sanders

    • December 12, 2013 in Columnists

    Passed over again — it must be my face

    I’m thinking about suing the City of Winters, the Winters Chamber of Commerce, and Mayor Cecilia Aguiar-Curry. I’m talking about millions and millions of dollars, and this ain’t no joke either.

    I know it’s hard to believe, but I have been passed over and over again for the Citizen of the Year award. I’ve been passed over about 35 times in the 25 years I’ve lived in this town. Well, they’re going to pay for it now!

    I would have thought about suing these guys a long time ago, but I’m what you might call a “layman” when it comes to the law and its doings. Thank God I have two good friends that work for the government. They call themselves “G-men.” I think that’s because they work for the government.

    Like I said before, I didn’t know anything at all about suing anybody until I ran into my G-men friends Terry Vender and Tony Luna, who work for the City of Winters Public Works Department. I think that department is part of the City of Winters because it says so on their shirts and trucks.

    They were laughing about something when I bumped into them and when they saw me, they got real quiet.

    “Hey Don, we hear you got passed over again for the Citizen of the Year,” they said.

    Then they laughed at something else.

    “Yeah, can you believe it?” I said.

    That’s when they told me that I ought to sue them because it just isn’t right being passed over that many times in a row. Well, I don’t have to tell you how that got me to thinking about the big bucks, Ka-ching, Ka-ching.

    “Geeze, do you guys really think I could sue them?”

    Both of the G-men nodded their heads.

    Well we talked for a while, the three of us with our heads together until they were almost touching. Finally I say, “I’d like to discuss this later but I don’t want to take up too much of your time.” So they say, “Aw, that’s OK Don, we’re on the clock.” I don’t know what they do on their job, but I think they go around digging holes and then fixing the pipes they break while digging. Then they throw the dirt back in the hole. I asked them about it but they said it’s all hush hush on government jobs.

    “All hush-hush huh?” I say.

    They brought their heads back in and told me about the secret bunker that they’ve been working on for when the big catastrophe happens and our society as we know it collapses in upon us. They said that there’s enough food and water for the city officials and all of the Citizens of the Year award winners to live on for 30 years or so. They didn’t want to talk too much about that though.

    Anyway, Terry Vender tells me that I might even have grounds for a federal criminal suit because there might me something called “malice” involved. Tony said that if I could prove I was passed over because of my race, it would probably triple the amount of money I could get.

    “You mean because I am white?”

    That’s when I thought he said that the whole Chamber of Commerce is made up of Mexican Americans and that they would never give me the award unless I owned a restaurant or a newspaper.

    Maybe he didn’t say that, but I just don’t remember.

    That kind of scared me, because I have been hearing more and more Mexican Americans speaking some sort of coded language that only a very few white people know how to talk. Terry says that maybe they are plotting against us and it is a whole lot bigger than Citizen of the Year awards. Tony indicated that maybe the Chamber of Commerce wasn’t happy with the kind of food that was going into the bunker.
    Well, that goes to reason since this year’s award went to John Pickerel and he owns a whole lot of restaurants.

    “Now that’s discrimination,” they both at the same time.

    What that means, I think, is that I’ve been passed over for the award because I don’t have a restaurant. Tony finished off by saying, “You have to have a pretty face to win the Citizen of the Year award, and to tell the truth Don, your face just doesn’t make the cut!”

    “Yeah, that’s probably right,” I thought.

    Then after that I thought, “Well, there’s always next year, right?”

    • They missed the boat on this one Donald. You are my Citizen of the Year.

    • ya know, there are a lot of folks who want to ensure you get the award (and the place in the bunker) since you’ve earned it many times over, but you are not very cooperative on letting us award you! I agree with the above comment: you are my Citizen of the Year, too.

    • Ha ha ha, you guys are too, too much!

      • Melanie Bajakian

      • January 21, 2014 at 6:59 am
      • Reply

      I totally agree with everyone Above, I say you walk up with John and accept the award with him. You are one of our angels

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