• Playing chicken with history

    by Donald K. Sanders

    Yep, I’ve been thinking again. I’ve been thinking about man as a species, their governments, and chickens. As far as I can figure, all three of these things in reality, are misunderstood. I’m going to tell you what I think about each of these subjects, and if you think I’m wrong, just keep it to yourself. I’ll start with what I think is most critical: chickens.

    There are those living in my town, Winters California, who worship chickens. Their leader is a lady with the initials, Rebecca Bresnick Holmes. She tells all of the other chicken lovers what to do and how to do it in a column she writes for our local newspaper, the Winters Express. This newspaper has given her the power to persuade ordinary people to change their attitudes about chickens in general.

    In years gone by, it was general knowledge that chickens are a dangerous animal or bird, whatever they are, you know what I mean. It used to be a given that chickens could not live with humans in the city. Well, pardner, it ain’t true anymore! People who love chickens are growing in number and it’s scaring the hell out of me.

    You can walk down the street and hear them behind fences and in their little house coops scratching, scratching, scratching, like rats trying to eat their way into your house. Pecking, pecking, pecking all day and all night because they never sleep. You can see their eyes shining at night when your headlights flash on them in the dark. They are evil I tell you!

    The only thing they are good for is food. They smell funny and they leave little piles of poop everywhere they go. Ms. Holmes neglects to tell her followers about how the chicken on Russell Street terrorized the people living on that street. The chickens were chasing cars off the street and up on to the sidewalks. One guy I know was so afraid he wouldn’t drive on Russell Street, even though he lived there. He was afraid for his life. What ever happened to that chicken? I’m going to have to look into that.

    Onward and upwards to the species of man and their governments. As soon as men got out of the caves, they filed a claim in a government office to get some land that they would call “family farms.” There was a saying, well I don’t know when it was said, but it goes like this, “Civilization is a parasite on the man with a hoe!” I think it was about 594 B. C. E. that man first had to pay for hoes. It is also said that hoes are the world’s oldest profession but I am having trouble believing that is true. It goes to reason that the man had to have a job to pay for the hoes, right?

    OK, here is where the governments come in. With all the parasites and such, there was a need for someone to manage all the money that was going from hand to hand from the family farmers to the hoes. These new guys are now called “Bankers.” Thus the saying, “Those that can manage money, manage all.”

    These “Bankers” started stuff like “Credit.” Credit is the trusting and lending of man’s property to the Hoes and their partners in crime, “Lawyers.” In theory there can be no credit without capital but the absence of capital is the very essence of credit, because when a man does not have capital to pay a bill, you have to give him credit. A lawyer is a guy whose duty is to manage the causes of his clients (the Hoes) and to get rid of their effects when the parasites kill them. The lawyers invented “Evidence,” the legal means of getting or concealing the truth. Lawyers live upon the law like certain animals feed upon carrion.

    The Bankers and the Lawyers made up stuff like “Diplomacy” (meaning two or deriving from the two words dip and low, the art of one country trying to swindle another) and “Elections” (the forced confirmation of a choice made by another). These they made part of their “Conservative Principle”(the theory of taking care of the Constitution and the practice of taking care of oneself.)

    Anyway, they started a government called a “Democracy.” Democracy is a term from Greece meaning, most feel that the acts of governments is Greek to them. Thus, they made a system where every damn decision is made by the community at large. This means every issue requires gigantic argumentative meetings. I think that one must learn how to govern himself before he attempts to govern others. Whatever!

    After that they made up things like a “Domicile” ( place where every man is when he is at home) and “Descents” (assage of title or assets from father to son). Next came “Equity” and “Justice” (the soul and spirit of the law). Following close behind that is “Income Tax” (a permanent burden for temporary purposes), “Debenture” (from the word debeo, to owe; a bill given by a government that lacks cash) and “Damages” (from the word damnum a loss, or what a man gets for going to the law).

    To enforce their will upon the Hoes and the Family Farmers, they invented the “Militia” (oldiers for home consumption) and “Infanticide” (the most ordinary fruit of an oppressive government).

    Well, that’s all I have room for, but I’ll be back. Oh, I’ll leave you with a little something to think about. As of Oct 5, 2007, there are more chickens than people in the world, and where did the “Bird Flu” come from and why was it invented. In 1918 and 1919 it killed 25 million people. Think about that, kiddies!



    • When I visit Winters in May, in my rental car, the chickens better watch out. That is all I can say on the matter. Other than that Donald, you had me with the chicken story.



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