Reclaiming your power eggs: how to take back your energy
Where does your energy go? Often, I hear even people who consider themselves to be “evolved” talking about physical, mental, emotional, social, sexual and spiritual energy as though these are unconnected. Some even equate success with working well beyond the healthy exhaustion of limits on those energy reserves. The truth is a deficit in any of these levels compromises them all. If you physically and mentally exhaust yourself, your energy level suffers greatly. Some Native American tribes teach a wisdom called “Taking back your power eggs.” This means knowing where your energy goes and retrieving it from places where it should not be.
If you feel depleted on an ongoing basis, your spirit, body, and mind are letting you know your resources are in DEFCON 4.
We all hit that point eventually, but living there on an ongoing basis is an abuse of the magnificently effective energy system given to us by our Creator(s). When your body, your mind or your spirit speak, pay attention. They are on a party line and the other two hear and endorse what one of them says to you. Working to exhaustion serves no one. Self-care and rejuvenation ultimately help us all.
Set and honor your boundaries
Sometimes, the energy drains we feel come from those around us. We do not always have the luxury to eschew those who draw us into their maelstrom of madness. Circumstances sometimes force us to humor those who take all we offer and more and then give little or nothing in return. What we can do is establish non-negotiable boundaries and honor those. This is an important part of adulting.
Many of the clients I see in my practice ask the question, “How do I change the dynamic? How do I clean up my life and take back my power?” Some want actual systematic instructions. Others simply want permission from an objective party to take control of their own life, especially if the change inconveniences others.
Be ruthless about eliminating drama in your life. Identify the people in your life who lift you up and make you smile and those who drain your energy away. Distance yourself from the energy black holes and vampires who bleed out your energy reserves.
The true measure of a person is how you feel when you walk away from being with them. Do you feel energized, happy, and supported? Drained, exhausted, and used? Begin by drastically reducing contact with those who do not help you feel amazing.
In counseling, I often use the phrase, “Re-establish the dancing distance.” You do not have to make a major production of “breaking up” with people who are energy drains. You do not have to lie or breech ethics. Simply stop being available. If you must see them, wait until you have an energy surplus and can handle the drain. Notice when someone attempts to manipulate you through guilt and immediately disengage. This takes your endorsement off the behavior. You owe it to yourself and your loved ones to be the best “you” you can be. This means protecting your energy expenditures.
At first, others may bemoan your lack of availability and even increase the drama to attempt to draw you in. When they do not get the reaction they seek, they will move on to others who accommodate their need for attention. It is unlikely you will lose the relationship. People hate to burn bridges, despite threats to do so. You will, however, maintain the integrity of knowing that you are careful about where you energy goes.
Find the hidden power eggs
How many times have you repeated the exact same argument with a friend and never had it go anywhere productive? Do people contact you to vent about how horrible their life is with no intention of doing anything about it? Do they want solutions or to be comforted as an eternal victim? Do you say “yes” when you really want to say no? How much of your ego gets tied up in being indispensable to others? Do you ever feel used by those you “help?” These are all examples of wasted energy and are power eggs you should retrieve.
Distancing yourself from people who sap your energy does not mean you do not love them. It means you love YOU and them enough to avoid an unbalanced relationship that leaves you feeling depleted and opens the door for resentment to contaminate the dynamic.
When you find yourself sighing a lot in conversations or wishing you were somewhere else, stop and excuse yourself immediately. You do not have to be rude or dismissive. Simply say, “You know, I just realized something I need to do and I am going to have to cut this short.” If they protest or even beg for your attention, kindly but firmly tell them that you need some time and then take that time…somewhere away from them. If they do not give it to you, then it is clear they are not responsive to your needs. This is even more telling of the health of your relationship dynamic.
Only you can stop the extraneous energy flow that goes to these black holes. The person on the receiving end of your energy flow will work hard to preserve the status quo because it is of benefit to them. You are the one who has to change the dynamic and “take back your power eggs.” Reel in the energy that is scattered in nonproductive directions and that energy will be available to you for increased spiritual connection and flow.
Careful, judicious management of your energy is a big part of living responsibly and maturely. We must keep careful inventory of where our energy goes and preserve our resources. The fact that you are reading these words means that it is time for this message to come to you. Plug up the leaks and take back your power eggs without apology or remorse. Bring that energy level back down into the green.