I did not have any ideas how much I love that Microsoft Word thingy. I didn’t like it at first cause it put a red scriggley line under almost everything I would wirte on it. Then someone told me that the red scriggley line means that you made a mistake and then ifn you was to click on it it fixes it automatically for you.
So. A few years back I started a-messen with it and loe and behold before I know anything at all, I’m a writer. And what I write seems to be just fine after I make all them squiggley lines disappear. It is almost like someone else wrote it for me. Hot damn!
Thrugh experimentin I found out that the Microsoft Word can do a lot more that squiggley red lines. It can make the letters bigger. And if you want to you can make the other side bigger. That’s not all it does neither.
˙spɹɐʞɔɐq ɯәႡʇ әʞɐɯ puɐ punoɹɐ sƃu!Ⴁʇ uɹnʇ uɐɔ ! ʇnq ʇ! p!p ! ʍoႡ әɹns ʇou ɯ,! ‘sәɯ!ʇәɯos ‘ʞooႨ this is definitely like a automatic toy for me to play with and I just love it. I been wondering if everybody has this Microsoft thingy and they use it to change they writing like I do. I think pretty much that my friend Debra must have it because I can send this here paper to her on the email and it gets put in the paper like someone else wrote it.
You see, Debra is also the editor of the paper here in Winters and on iPinion Syndicate, and other places as well. I like that “as well” quote because it sounds better than “to”. Don’t it. If I put my finger on the button that says “tab” on it everything is blank for a few of those kilobites. That’s what they call theose spaces. The blank ones, not the ones with typing on them, I don’t think.
You see a few years back, maybe 30 years back, Debra, the editor of the paper must have been hurtin to fill some space in the paper. She calls it a void or something like that. Anyhow when she ask me if I would like to write a colum for her I said “but Debra, I don’t know how to write” she said she will help me a lot.
Well I can tell you she does help me a lot because when she get done with it it almost looks like I didn’t write it like that. At the bottom of the page on the video screen there is a number. Well that number tells me just how many words I have put on the screen. Right now it says 456 or 458. Nevermind it keeps countin anyway.
When I was a kid I almost didn’t graduate from the high school in East Peoria Illinois. Did you know there was a S on the end of Illinois that don’t make no sound. Any way, I was saying I had trouble in English class and Miss Wedikind threw me out for writing stupid stories. I didn’t go the the deans office because he said the next time I saw him I was going to get throwen out of school. Well, the truth be told, I was not a kid anyway because I was 21 years old at that time.
Anyway, Miss Wedikind ran away with one of the students and she was never seen again by anyone in East Peoria Illinois so they let me graduate. I think it was because I was so good looking at the time and they were afraid I was going to date one of the little girls in the new freshman class. It is a mistery to me why they call it a freshman class when there are girls in there to.
Anyway, I’m going to send this in the email so Debra the editor can work on it and make it purty like she always does. I hope she is back from her vacasion so this does indeed get fixed cause I wouldn’t want everybody ta see my reel writing.
(Editor’s note: This column was not edited.)