• Saying no to the NRA

    by Kelvin Wade

    I turned the envelope over in my hands examining it. A letter from the National Rifle Association addressed to me. Instead of reflexively tossing it in the trash, I’m open to reading the sales pitch. Granted, all the video of President Wayne LaPierre screeching nonsense about how black helicopters are going to descend from the heavens and jackbooted thugs are going to confiscate our guns has made me whisk the NRA folk into the same crazy box as Birthers, Truthers, and climate change deniers.

    But perhaps I should be more open minded.

    After all, the NRA just had their annual convention in St. Louis last month and Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney spoke before them and said, “We need a President who will enforce current laws, not create new ones that only serve to burden lawful gun owners. President Obama has not; I will.”

    That statement doesn’t make sense. Grammatically it’s a nightmare. But what new laws has President Obama created that burden lawful gun owners? Is he talking about the 2009 law the President signed that allows people to carry concealed firearms in national parks?

    The President hasn’t made any effort to restrict guns. New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg has blasted President Obama for his failure to lead on gun control especially after the shootings of Gabby Gifford, murder of U.S. District Judge John Roll and five others in Tucson, Arizona last year.

    The lack of Obama sending federal stormtroopers to seize peoples’ guns haven’t stopped the NRA and Republicans from whipping up their bases that a federal gun-snatching plan is in the works. The Obama years have seen gun sales skyrocketing as simpletons head out to buy their guns and ammo before Big Brother (or Big Sis as they like to refer to Homeland Security Director Janet Napolitano) confiscates them.

    The U.S. couldn’t disarm Iraq, a country of 30 million. Yet many gun enthusiasts believe the U.S. government would have no problem disarming the United States, with a population of 10 times that.

    Still despite my kneejerk response to the NRA, I was curious. After all, I like guns. My dad had a .22 rifle that I would sneak out to this junkyard hidden beyond an orchard on the outskirts of town. There, me and my friend Chumly, who had his own .22, would shoot the heads off of lizards.
    Later Chumly and I would go to the range and shoot .380s, 9mms, 12 gauge shotguns and his Norinco MAK-90 AK47 knockoff. I still own a Colt .380, Winchester Defender 12 gauge and a Colt Peacekeeper .357 magnum.

    While I agreed with the Supreme Court’s decisions in District of Columbia v. Heller and McDonald v. Chicago, affirming an individual’s 2nd Amendment right to own guns for self-defense, I’ve never been one of those who was afraid that one gun control law was going to start a slippery slope to confiscation.

    All slopes aren’t slippery. California approved medical marijuana but I don’t see any push for medicinal cocaine or heroin. Gay marriage hasn’t led to a push for polygamy, incest or bestiality.

    But maybe I was wrong about the NRA. Perhaps they’re not a right wing organization that uses hyperbolic language and scare tactics to frighten their members into opposing any sensible gun laws. Maybe they’ll speak to me look a rational adult.

    I tore open the envelope.

    “Dear Friend,

    There has never been a more important time for you to accept the enclosed NRA membership card and carry it with pride.

    Your constitutional right to own a gun is under attack by hundreds of anti-gun politicians, global gun-ban diplomats at the U.N., militant anti-hunting extremists, radical billionaires and the freedom-hating Hollywood elite.

    They’ve vowed to fight on and never surrender… Not until they’ve banned and confiscated our guns, just like they did in England, Canada and Australia.”

    Well, they lived down to my expectations. I wiped my ass with the letter and flushed it. I still like my guns. But I’m not wearing tin foil on my head, terrified that Barack Obama is planning some sinister second term gun confiscation agenda.



    • Loved this Kelvin. Did you really expect anything but fear tactics?



    • Did the letter go down? Someone told me that below the Equator the water in the toilet will drain counter-clock-wise? I heard that about Canada as well. I think we should throw all of our guns in with the letter. I hate them-except when used for killing meat and veegans of course.


      • Judy N

      • May 7, 2012 at 10:52 am
      • Reply

      When my mother died, her mail was forwarded to me. She had donated to every right wing nut job group you can imagine. I took a lot of pleasure in answering their questionnaires. Example: “Do you believe European Socialism is good for the U.S.?” “Yes!” Only, the questions were much loonier than that and the answers were far less polite.


      • Kelvin

      • May 7, 2012 at 7:32 pm
      • Reply

      Thank you. Madge, it STILL shocks me when I read something like that. It’s like I’m reminded that, “Oh yea, all debates are held on a third grade level in this country.” When i read things like this it makes me want to go out and get a button that says, “PROUD TO BE AN ELITIST!” Donald, down with the vegans. I wish I would’ve written back to the NRA. How did I end up on the mailing list???



    • I’ve had the same thoughts for the last few years, but had not bothered to actually consolidate them into a coherent observation. I don’t think I would have done as good a job as you, though, Kelvin. The propaganda is pretty reckless, isn’t it?


      • Kelvin

      • May 12, 2012 at 12:17 pm
      • Reply

      It is crazy. I mean, no one is being disarmed in this country and they always try to paint the picture as if we’re moments away from a police state. We could stop making guns tomorrow and still have enough guns and ammo to keep murdering for the rest of the century.



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