• author
    • Matthew Najmowicz

    • March 7, 2014 in Columnists

    Singing the Facebook blues

    The more I turn on Facebook, the urge grows to turn off Facebook (FB). 

    Every day is the same amongst the electronic masses.  Someone posts a picture of an animal in a cage and tries to convince me that fur coats are evil.  Someone gives birth to a child and posts endless photos of a son or daughter they will grow to despise.  Everyone in a new relationship quickly desires to bash their partner online and cry for emancipation from their bonds.    

    Most of the time FB is filled with people who just want to be momentarily noticed, including yours truly.  I want to be noticed for my perceived talent, and yet Facebook seems to be a place where people find other people to notice their ongoing bullshit.

    Case in point.   The other day I was tagged to comment on a fat chick strip teasing on a stripper poles.  All of the commentary as that point was “OMG she is so sexy and graceful” or “She is sexy, look at her moves.”

    The trap is set.  Do I speak my mind or bow down to peer pressure?  Do I say the politically correct thing?  Do I make a comment that won’t piss off the women on the thread? 

    Let us weigh the options. 

    First off, sexiness is absolutely subjective.  Someone’s perception of sexy is someone else’s barf-bag.  Secondly, when you ask me my opinion — I am going to give my opinion.   My opinion will probably run counter to yours. 

    A fat chick is stripping on a stripper pole.  Does anyone have sympathy for the pole or the Army Corps of Engineers used to create a pole to support her girth?  No one asked me to strip, and I certainly didn’t need to see her dance.  For the record, I don’t find any strippers sexy.  Wanna be sexy?  Cook me a prime rib dinner and be interesting.   

    Imagine if I told them I didn’t find her sexy, but I’d still bang her.  Men are conundrums.  We will bang anything because it’s part of biological and social programing.  I think I just alienated my female audience.  Oh well, I am in the truth-telling business.

    This is just one example of the nonsense plaguing social media en masse.  I carry the cross of burden when I put in my password for Facebook — I know I’m going to step on a landmine and get involved in a dumb conversation.

    It’s not only the social media conversations, look at the mass distribution of ridiculous and gross memes. 

    What’s with all the memes of tortured or disfigured animals?  I am going to stop friending animal activists.  The activists always circulate the most gruesome looking memes making my ability for digestion an uncertainty.  First off, it’s the internet.  You can find a photo of a dog with its jaw blown off and I can find a photo of Julia Roberts with three tits.  You can find the photo of a cat with acid burns and I can find the photo of Adolph Hitler French-kissing Mel Brooks.  Oh wait, that was “The Producers,” right? 

    You get my point.  Your memes have no effect on me, so stop sharing.  Speaking of sharing, please stop telling me the intimate details about your wife or boyfriend.

    Relationships are like a trip to CVS.  You walk in and look around.  Some of the stuff in CVS makes you happy and some of it is ridiculous.  Most of the time, you just get the same thing over and over, and the cashier will ask the same stupid goddamn question: Do you have a CVS wellness card?  Ladies and gentlemen, do you remember your first dates?  Aren’t you tired of the same questions and the same outcomes?  And yet, you still go to CVS, looking but never satisfied.  Try Walgreens.  Try a hammer to the head.  And then try some pot.  

    Apparently everyone’s dating habits are the same, including having us participate in some voyeuristic fashion.    Everyone has at least 10 photos of them grossly kissing some other person.  People are exhibitionists and it’s very telling.  Meanwhile, you know that couple can’t stand one another.  You’re kissing the person you’re going to dump in a week. 

    My cynicism knows no bounds, and yet you know I will be checking out your Facebook wall tomorrow.

    Tomorrow, you will see my ass roaming the cyber landscape.  People can go on my wall and call me a hypocrite.  I will be screaming for attention.  So will you.  You can tell me “You ain’t shit.”  It’s perfectly fine — I feel the same about you.  We all desire to be seen and heard.  We all judge one another and talk behind each other’s backs.  Now we have a way to be Judge Judy with very little effort.      


    • Facebook becomes more and more of an annoyance. It’s why I mostly only post cat pictures anymore. Facebook sucks away time and energy.
      On the other hand… it’s great for networking and keeping up with people, and that keeps me there. But I enjoy the days when I blow it off and spend time on REAL things. I have a huge distaste for drama and posturing, and that is 75 percent of what you see on Facebook. And, I agree with you… I’m gonna say what I’m gonna say. Because no matter what I say, someone will be offended. So… I’ll just post what pleases me. I have yet to offend myself!

    • Bitter, bitter, bitter Matt. There are lots of reasons people are on FB and I don’t judge them for their posts unless it is against everything I believe in and then usually they are not my friends but friends of friends and I quickly cease to follow them. I am not an animal lover so I ignore all the posts about animals. It’s easy. Move away from the computer screen.

    • I agree wholeheartedly. I going to go now and cut and paste myself committing adulterous actions with channing or maybe Johnny depp. Check my wall out later. 🙂

    • *I am*

      • Maya North

      • March 7, 2014 at 4:15 pm
      • Reply

      I am a columnist and editor here because of Facebook. I am also one of the people who posted the big woman who, by the way, wasn’t actually stripping on that pole — she was just doing amazing, strong, athletic things on it. For me, it wasn’t about sexy. It was that, as a big woman who has been constantly demeaned at worst and at best, merely underestimated, her display of power and grace was both moving and awe-inspiring. Animal activists are desperate for us to see the reality so we will be moved to stop ignoring it and DO something about it. If you don’t like a post — hide it. If you don’t like what a particular person posts, you can unfollow them without unfriending them. My own daughter did that because I share too many pets in hope that someone will save them (I am now maxed at 5 dogs — 3 of them rescues). We do need to have a real life, but with my daughter a town away and my husband a world away and working as a computer programmer with people who actively discourage most social interaction, I would honestly expire of loneliness without the connection Facebook has brought me. Facebook is one of the most powerful tools we have for social change. It can also be a tool for abuse. It’s brought me some of the best friendships I’ve known. Take a break. Choose your connections well and remember — I wouldn’t have met YOU without it. <3

    • If it wasn’t for Facebook, you would have nothing to say.

      • VCB

      • March 7, 2014 at 11:06 pm
      • Reply

      I am with you, Maya. Facebook is what *you* make of it. I think that Facebook (like alcohol) amplifies people’s personality traits: I’ve been disappointed to learn which of my friends are narcissists, misogynoists, etc., but at least then I know whom to hide/unfriend! Be more selective in whom you friend, follow, etc. You have a lot of control over how you use it, what you see, and to how much drama you are subjected. I love Facebook. I have tailor-made my newsfeed so that I get all the news stories for my eclectic interests, I stay in touch with friends and family both near and far, and I keep the drama to a minimum by controlling my news feed. (And, yes, my best friend posts cat photos literally everyday, but I can hardly blame Facebook because my friend is a crazy cat lady!)

      • Kat

      • March 10, 2014 at 10:02 am
      • Reply

      I on occasion find social media to be sucking the very intelligence out of my spongy delightful brain. When this happens, I delete my page and stay off it. I do not whine about meme’s. I do not scream in protest of the 87th thousandth infant picture. (I myself have fabulous, interesting children that I go through spurts of making declarations of their greatness excessively.) Thus far I’ve been able to go an eight day stretch before I go into violent withdrawl (sp?) that not even an icy glass of Coca Cola will quench. We LOVE to know. Even if knowing is someone else’s mindless bantering. I think there is something to be said for celebrating one another. If you want to be celebrated for your posted moments, pay it forward. Kind words are so cheap they come free and they are an endless investment. I’ve also found I have on several occasions completely misinterpreted what someone was trying to convey and proceeded to say REGRETFUL things…Wicked wicked REGRETFUL things. We do not have the benefit of voice infliction or knowing someones true personality with social media. I’ve decided to err on the side of ASS-U-ME makes an ASS out of U and ME. This website is FUN! Its’ like Facebook without the baked potato looking infant pictures!

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