• Soccer’s World Cup booty call

    Life should be a lot more like soccer. If you are on Argentina’s team and you lose an intra-squad match, the winners get to kick a soccer ball at the loser side’s butts. I like that. I know these are professional soccer players and they can really kick, but still, I like the quick resolution to the defeat.

    It seems like a little fun mixed with humility is good for a team. It helps keep the egos in check and it rewards the winners with something fun and non-calorically indulgent like ice-cream.

    Personally, I can think of a few teams I have been on that I would have loved to be on the side kicking the ball toward my frienemies butt.

    On the other hand, I have been on the other side, and also, would have liked to have the opportunity to take the lumps then move on. Especially when working with groups of women. Women can be mean.

    Men fight more gracefully than women. Or shall I say, of the fights I have witnessed, men duke it out and get over it a lot faster than women. The male resolution is quicker, hence more graceful.

    Women tend to fuel the fire with intrigue and innuendo. If a woman is truly worth her salt, she usually has some dirt on the opponent that she can resort to at any time. Girls definitely pull hair, spit and tear each other’s clothes while throwing accusations.

    High school girls are the worst. If one girl so much as bats an eye at someone’s guy, that girl could get brutalized by a flash mob or worse. Sinister teens will tape the fight on their phones to place on YouTube. It just takes a Tweet, and boom. It’s everywhere. The humiliation spreads like a toxic spill on the Louisiana coast.

    Men aren’t so nutty. They usually fight, then they are cool. Whatever the fight was about, it’s resolved with the fight. I like that. And I like the way Argentina’s team resolves their issues. It’s sort of Braveheart and Monty Python at the same time.

    Life would be better if we lived more like Argentinean professional soccer teams.

    While some teams’ only hotel requests for the World Cup are rice, table tennis, electric dartboards, or their own priest, Argentineans are totally obsessed with the booty.

    Directly, and indirectly.

    Indirectly, they want over a dozen different salads a day and ice cream on demand 24 hours a day. I do not blame them, it sounds like heaven. They don’t stop at food, they also want a world-class crapper. The E bidet!

    Diego Miradona, the chief coach, must have a toilet with a heated seat, a warm air dryer and a front and back wand-bidet.

    Coway makes one and it is available online. You can view this thing on You Tube. It has front and rear cleansing jets and a remote control. The seat is programmable for temperature.

    Apparently, after eating 14 different salads with ice cream chasers, Miradona’s going to need it.

    Happy Soccer!



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