• author
    • Donald Sanders

    • September 23, 2014 in Columnists

    Stability-instability paradox

    Boy, I’ll tell you what! There is some super interesting information on the internet. The first thing I noticed is the news about the Higgs Boson. However, since this news breaks my heart, I’d rather not discuss it. If we had built our own Muon Ring here in Winters, California, that damn Higgs Boson could have been the Sanders Boson. Anyway, some crazy guy in a wheelchair (Stephen Hawking) claims the Cern Collider could accidently destroy the entire universe.

    Well that guy is just a crazy old coot! I mean, how the hell is the universe going to get destroyed if the collider is underground. The Cern Collider is just a big circle of concrete pipe. I guess Mr. Hawking thinks the Higgs Boson is going to pop a hole in the pipe and then it will wreak havoc wherever it goes, just like sewage spewing everywhere. Geeze Mr. Hawking, even I know better than that!

    What about those guys over in Iraq and Syria that calls themselves ISIS? What’s up with that? Now I guess we are sending our multi-billion dollar bombers over there to knock the hell out of them. That’s a waste of time and money when all we have to do is let them have Iraq and Syria. Who cares? Let’s give them France too! Anyway, we have a new enemy now, just when we need one. I swear it’s a gift from God.

    Chapter whatever, Para whatever says: “And the Lord spoke, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.”

    Otherwise war is merely a game; for me, war is a Rosetta Stone that often illuminates life, especially those aspects of life that involve killing or being killed, and they are everywhere around us, affecting all opportunities that call to us. The problem is this: Compare our wars to chess games. I love chess. I play it every day in tournaments and team games. If I know anything about chess and war, it is the fact that everybody has a chance to win because everybody makes a mistake when they least expect it.

    In chess, a single mistake can lose the game for you most riki-tic. I know for a fact that in a combat zone, a helicopter ride that I thought would be interesting and fun turned out to be horrible, and in no time at all, my warring career came to a screeching halt. It’s the same on a larger scale as well. These ISIS guys are fully capable of issuing us an ass-beating along with the potatoes in the chow line some fateful sunrise if we are not careful. We are not perfect and eventually we will make a mistake if we keep at it like we have been. God forbid!

    Sometime in the future when it’s all over, an ambassador from ISISland will come to the U. S. and ask us for a couple of billion dollars’ worth of foreign aid. Yes Sir, you know it’s going to happen! Instead of giving them financial aid like we always do everybody else, why don’t we give them a bucket full of Higgs Bosons. I don’t know how many Higgs Bosons will fit into a bucket and I’m sorry to say that no one else does either. Nobody has ever seen a Higgs Boson. All I know is that they spent like a zillion dollars just to find one little bitty Higgs Boson. Sooo, if we give one to those ISIS guys, that ought to make them happy for a while. Yeah, I would be happy as Hell! I’d sell that son of a bitch!

    I think that’s what they call a stability-instability paradox.

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