• author
    • Hannah Sullivan

      Columnist
    • December 31, 2013 in Columnists

    Ten things that piss me off about online dating

    Let’s face it — it’s not easy being on a dating website. It’s beyond awkward and there aren’t any rules or guidelines on how to do it. We all send/receive the same generic  “Hi how are you” messages. You just have to dive in and hope for the best. Just like dating in “real life,” you have to kiss a few frogs before you get a prince.

    I like to think of myself as a seasoned online dater. I can’t decide if this is something to be proud of or completely embarrassed by. I’ll go with embarrassed. I’ve dated two people, been on several dates, and talked to at least a million guys. I know what I like and what I don’t like. I have a lot of friends who are also online daters. We all complain about the same things. I’ve taken it upon myself to write these things out in hopes that they stop. Please, make them stop!

    I challenge a guy to make a list of the 10 things that us girls do that piss them off about on online dating because I’m so curious.

    I may sound like a bitch or an even bigger bitch but here goes:

    1. Put your real height.

    This is the biggest compliant amongst my friends and I. I don’t understand why guys constantly lie about their height. I’ve been measured by my doctor and my friend out of sheer curiosity to see if we were wrong about our own height. Nope. We are right, they are wrong. I am just a little bit taller than 5’6″. I always try to go for guys who are at least 5’8″ and taller — that way I know they’re taller than me. Now, you’d think that plan would work. It doesn’t work at all. I go and meet that 5’10” guy, and he’s shorter than me.

    Do they think we aren’t going to figure it out? If you have the intention of meeting people — why not just put your real height? New plan: Whenever I look at a guy’s profile, I immediately subtract two inches from the height they put. Sad but true.

    I personally don’t want to date someone who is shorter/the same height as me. I know it’s discrimination, but I can’t help it. I want a taller man. I think I’m allowed to be a little picky when it comes to finding the perfect mate. Online dating is just one big beauty contest anyways. That’s probably the reason guys lie about their height so often. Or maybe they really just have no idea.

    2. Don’t be a creep!

    If you’re about to send me something creepy that you wouldn’t say to my face if we met in person — then don’t send it! Does that kind of “sweet talking” actually work on other girls? I honestly can’t believe it does. Most times I just think they’re trying to get a rise out of me, so I troll them right back. You wouldn’t believe some of the things guys send me. Here’s an example! I’ve had several different guys send me messages saying that they want me to watch them, either in person or via webcam, masturbate. I don’t have to do anything other than watch. The catch? I get paid. Gross, right? Don’t judge me when I actually thought about it for a second.

    3. Have a profile picture.

    I won’t talk to you if you don’t. Not because I’m trying to be superficial or anything but because I actually want (and kind of need) to know who I’m talking to. And no, a picture of your abs doesn’t count, even though it doesn’t hurt. If you do have pictures — please let them be you. I can’t tell you how many people just have group pictures and nothing else. If you do this, then I’ll just assume you’re the ugly one. Girls aren’t the only ones who do the duck face either. There’s nothing attractive about a guy with a duck face. You wind up looking like a douche.

    ALSO! If you have a bunch of random chicks in your pictures — it doesn’t really make you look attractive.

    4. If you ask for my number – use it.

    I think this one goes both ways.

    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been talking to a guy online and we exchange numbers, and then suddenly nothing. We talk all day everyday online and then we barely text. Eventually one of us gives the other one the fade away and then we move on to the next big thing. I’m not sure why this happens. Am I boring and I just don’t know it? I’m also not the kind of girl who chases after guys. If you act busy or aloof to try to get my attention — it will do quite the opposite. We should all just be upfront and honest. It’s better to tell someone you aren’t interested rather than wasting their time when they could be looking for someone who is.

    5. Spelling. 

    If you’re a 20-something year old and you still can’t spell — I’m not really sure how to help you. There is such a thing as spell check. It saves me all the time. I’m just saying it looks better for you if you can spell.

    6. Don’t give me the sad puppy dog routine.

    I don’t care if you haven’t had a relationship in years or the fact that you haven’t gotten laid in forever. If you’re trying to guilt people into dating you then you should probably reevaluate your dating techniques. I don’t see the appeal in someone complaining about being single. Be cool, be smart, be confident instead.

    7. If you make plans with someone, then stick to them (or have a good excuse not to).

    We’ve been talking for awhile now. We’ve hit it off and you finally asked me to hang out. By the way can we just talk about “hang out” for a second? It’s easier to ask someone to hang out than it is to ask them to go on a date with you. It’s the exact same thing except you aren’t labeling it. Anywho…

    I’m going to admit this to you. I’ve been blown off exactly three times. Four, if you count this story as two. I was talking to this guy. We seemed to have some stuff in common and we decided to meet up at a local fair. The deal was to bring a friend and thank God I did because it was pretty awkward, but that’s to be expected from the first time. We continued to talk after that and even made plans to see each other again.

    The day of our hang-out was here. I got all ready and waited around for him to call or text. He never did. A few days later he texted me like nothing had happened. I even called him out on it but I honestly can’t remember what his excuse was or if he even had one. For whatever reason, I continued to talk to him. This bleeping bleep had the nerve to ask me to hang out again. This time I didn’t get ready. I didn’t text him. I spent all day in my PJs watching a Law and Order: Special Victims Unit marathon. Did he text me? Nope. He then tried to talk to me AGAIN! Is this kid stupid? I never talked to him again.

    8. Please don’t send me unsolicited dick pics.

    Do I really need to explain this one?

    9. Respect my age range.

    On your dating profile, you can specify a minimum and a maximum age you are willing to date. If you are old enough to be my dad — stay away. I’m willing to bend a little if you’re close to my max age and we hit it off, but that’s it. I’m not interested in being anybody’s sugar baby.

    10. Don’t ask for a hook up.

    I’m looking for dating, not hook ups with random strangers from the internet. I’m sure there are plenty of fish out there who are willing to be your hook up.

    Now go out there. Use these tools I’ve given you and find yourself a winner! 

     

     

     



    • I’m what you’d call a “nice guy.” I make a good living, I’m pretty attractive, and I treat women well. In fact, all of my female friends comment on what a great catch I am. But then I see those same women dating jerks. Yet they would never consider going out with me! So what do you think? Am I cursed to be alone just because I know how to be kind to women? Isn’t being nice a good quality? What’s wrong with women these days? Please let me know.


        • Hannah Sullivan

        • January 1, 2014 at 9:52 am
        • Reply

        Send me your profile link and I’ll let you know.

        But no seriously. There’s nothing wrong with women these days. Maybe you’re going after the wrong type? If you’re a great catch then someone will be right around the corner. You just wait. Timing is everything.



    • As an older, er more mature, woman, let me say that many of your complaints are true with even people in their 40’s. Maybe more so because I think the desperation is greater. I have spent more time and energy on some of these sites than at my real full time job. I have come to the realization that I am too old to be wasting time on random, meaningless hook ups, fade aways and definitely unsolicited pics of a guy’s anatomy. Also, if they cannot string together a simple sentence worthy of 3rd grade English, count me out. I will no longer settle!!


        • Hannah Sullivan

        • January 6, 2014 at 8:28 am
        • Reply

        I check mine more than I probably should. Don’t worry you’re not alone on that one. I guess at all ages they can’t put together sentences. If guys send me things I don’t like I’ll just send them the exact same message back BUT backwards. I even went as far as upside down. A guy sent me a “wow” message so I sent him a “mom” message.

        “This users profile has been deleted”
        Pretty sure they just blocked me.


      • Maya North

      • January 5, 2014 at 10:25 pm
      • Reply

      This makes me glad I’ve been married so long (together or legal 28 and a half years). Yeesh — dick pictures? Seriously??? Ew ew ew!!!


        • Hannah Sullivan

        • January 6, 2014 at 8:29 am
        • Reply

        Aw that’s so sweet 🙂
        Tell me about it.


      • Jimmy Russles

      • August 12, 2014 at 10:53 pm
      • Reply

      Some of the points already listed here also apply to guys, but here’s a few things that piss men off when it comes to online dating.

      1: keep your photos real and updated (AKA The Angles)
      I understand that not everyone has the body they want but still want to attract someone. But for goodness sakes, ladies, have an honest and recent full-body shot among your profile pictures! It doesn’t have to be interesting or sexy, just a straight shot of what your entire body looks like from a straight forward angle. Not that cutesy “shot from above” shit that plagues so many profiles. It’s stupid. We know what it means when all of your pics are like that, and men aren’t falling for it.

      2: You’re not curvy, you’re obese.
      This has become such a problem that I instantly lose interest if a woman has “curvy” listed as their body type. (It doesn’t help that many of these “curvy” women also constantly break Point 1.). I’ll respect and date a woman who’ll openly say “Yeah, I’m fat” many times over someone who tries to hide under false labels. This is akin to a guy who says he’s 6′ 2″ in his profile and winds up being 5′ 8″. It’s a terrible false pretense to start a relationship over.

      3: Tell me about you on your profile
      All too often, you see ladies who put the following under their “About Me” section: “message me if you want to know more.” No, that’s not how this works! Playing “hard to get” is already a stupidly childish tactic, so what makes you think it’s okay to bring that crap online? The purpose of online dating is to skip that awkward “breaking the ice” phase that comes from the real world. That section is titled “About Me” for the benefit of everyone involved. The guy gets to read and (hopefully) write an original opening message. The girl saves herself time from having to give out a long introduction to every prospective suitor. If you’re not going to use that to your advantage, then save everybody the time and delete your profile. (Note: this only applies if this happens at the front of the profile. Putting “message me if you want to know more” at the end of a detailed profile is perfectly reasonable.)



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