That’s what she said
Ladies, gentlewomen, girls, gals, moms, daughters, grandmothers, granddaughters, aunties, nieces, sisters – it’s time. If we learned anything from this disgusting Kavanaugh circle jerk (which, by the way, I’m guessing was commonplace at Tobin’s, after lifting weights) we’ve got to vote gender inequality, aka old Republican white guys, out of our political system.
Let me begin with a little housekeeping before I start screaming into my empty bag of Doritos.
I am well aware of, and so grateful for, all the really good men out there who are on our side and see us as equals. So please know when I address the knuckle-dragging, dickwads who believe they are superior to women, I don’t mean you.
But if you’re a woman, and you’re for Trump, I am absolutely throwing you into the basket of deplorable dickheads. In fact, you’re worse than them. You are defectors who’ve sold your souls to the devil’s triangle. You’re dead to me.
Dr. Christine Blasey Ford had no reason to lie. She had nothing to gain from all of this. The Judiciary Committee Republicans, and even Fox News, found her credible. Until Brett Kavanaugh lost his shit. Susan Collins even admitted to Dana Bash the day after Justice Blackout was confirmed that she believed Dr. Ford, until Kavanaugh came out so strongly during his testimony.
So that’s all it took? A woman’s compelling, honest, sworn statements get wiped out by a belligerent, unhinged, crying man. The Republicans demanded corroborating witnesses. But how many sexual assaults are committed in front of an audience? Well in this rare occasion there actually was a third person. Wasted Mark Judge apparently denied it all to the FBI. If only he’d told someone about it. Oh wait, he did. But the FBI never interviewed Judge’s former girlfriend, who said he confessed to her years ago.
So the only conclusion Republicans could reach was that Dr. Ford probably was assaulted but it wasn’t by the beer lover. They said she was mistaken. She said, under oath, she was “100% certain.”
Also under oath, Brett “Find ’em Finger ’em Fuck ’em Forget ’em” Kavanaugh told a pack of easy-to-prove lies. Senator Jeff Flake stated that lying to the Judicial Committee would disqualify him from advancing to the Supreme Court. Pick just one, Jeff, from Kavanaugh’s dishonest testimony:
1. Dr. Ford’s allegations are part of a left-wing conspiracy and revenge of the Clinton’s. Prove it!
2. Dr. Ford’s claims were “refuted.” Witnesses said they didn’t remember. Not the same thing, judge.
3. Kavanaugh “never attended gatherings as described by Blasey.” Um, calendars? July 1, 1982?
4. Kavanaugh did not “travel in the same social circles” as Blasey. Um, Blasey briefly dated his pal “Squi” in 1982.
5. Kavanaugh said “the drinking age was 18 in Maryland for most of my time in high school.” The legal drinking age was raised to 21 in Maryland when Kavanaugh was 17 years old in 1982.
6. The “Renate Alumnus” reference was a compliment to Ms. Renate Dolphin.
7. Kavanaugh listed himself as “Beach Week Ralph Club’s Biggest Contributor” due to his tummy’s sensitivity to spicy food.
8. Kavanaugh claimed, “I had no connections to Yale, I got there by busting my tail.” Turns out Grandpa Everett Edward Kavanaugh was an undergrad at Yale. So that makes Brett a legacy student.
But when it came down to it, Jeff Flaked out and Susan Collins faked her angst. I want my coat hanger back. Joe Manchin did what I guess he had to do in West Virginia. Orin Hatch shooed sexual assault survivors away from his elevator and told them to “grow up.” Lindsay Graham told his rape survivor to “call the cops.”
The heroes of the vote, of course, were women. Democratic Senator Heidi Heitkamp from North Dakota, a state Trump won by 36 points, voted “no” and will most likely lose her bid for reelection in November. Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski from Alaska broke ranks and voted “present.” Her term is not up until 2022 so with the support of Alaska Natives, and the threat of Sarah Palin as her future opponent, she’s probably going to be okay.
Under the leadership of President Fuckface, Republicans continue to play the “whataboutism” card to maniacal perfection. Christine Blasey Ford a victim? Nah, what about the wrongly accused Brett Kavanaugh? Your daughters will be fine (says Trump) but what about your innocent sons?
Trump said it was the women who were outraged for crybaby Kavanaugh. He claimed the protestors were paid actors. President Einstein was sure of it because the signs were “professionally printed and many of them had the same slogans.” Apparently the dumbass has never driven by a Kinko’s/FedEx Office on his way to Mickey D’s.
Sadly, Brett Kavanaugh’s questionable integrity doesn’t even matter. But his opinion that Roe v. Wade is not settled law does. Republicans have packed the Supreme Court with justices who will eventually make abortion illegal in this country. And they claim because they believe life begins at “hello” they are protecting the lives of tadpoles, or as they call them, babies. But they don’t give a rat’s ass about those embryos.
Does someone who cares about children propose to eliminate pre-natal care from women’s health insurance coverage? Or make it harder for families to have access to affordable health care? Or cut funding for Head Start? Or propose cutting back food stamps? Or make Betsy DeVos Secretary of Education?
No, chicas, it’s all about controlling us, our reproductive choices, and women’s health issues. They’re not listening to our words. But our votes will be deafening.